• Alamosa, Colorado. Home of the Great Sand Dunes, a college where slightly above average suburban high school athletes go to die and now, free salmonella!
  
• McDonalds sack 1, Brandon Marshall 0. Brandon Marshall joins the esteemed list of other Denver professional athletes who obtained an injury under strange circumstances (read: getting caught in a lie). Congratulations Brandon! You will now be held in the same esteem as Clint Barmes breaking his collarbone while carrying deer meat (read: being flipped off of a four wheeler) and Brian Griese tripping over his dog, falling down the stairs and spraining his ankle (read: taking a tumble while sloppy drunk). Look on the bright side: almost losing an arm is a better thing to be remembered for than talking about practice.
  
• Mirror gets thrown from Colorado University dorm room window. Hijinks ensue.

Labels: colorado, link goodness, sports, stupidity

• Jake got more ink over the weekend. Two words: fucking huge. At least something will be able to take the attention away from cock dagger now.
• DMX loves dogs like Mike Vick.
• Congratulations to 2007 Miss Teen USA Hilary Cruz (from Colorado; represent). I trust your response during the question and answer segment was not anything like this.

Labels: jake, link goodness, stupidity, tattoos

I just received a spam email that reads:

You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue. Our Soft Cialis Tabs can help you fulfill your dreams.

You know how to cut to the core of me, spam email. There is nothing I want more in life than to challenge some pool shark punk to a billiard contest, have them accept and then pull down my pants and run the table with my rigid erection. I would even chalk the tip before every shot just for effect.

Labels: stupidity

A gold spray paint huffing bender leads to the greatest mugshot ever.

Labels: drugs, stupidity

• A mother has sold her face and dignity for a tattoo advertisement. She says the money will go to her son's education because he is falling behind in school. If the kid inherited his mom's brains then I can understand why he is falling behind in school.
• Takeru Kobayashi has won his fifth consecutive hot-dog eating title retaining the coveted Mustard Yellow International Belt.
• Stella's "groove" consisted of a scheming homosexual, embezzlement and duplicity.

Labels: gluttony, link goodness, pop culture, stupidity, tattoos

I believe it is important to take care of your appearance. Especially when it comes to bleaching your ass.

Labels: random, stupidity

A gallery of winners at the International Beard and Mustache Championships. Your madness pleases me, Joachim Ott.

Labels: random, stupidity

If you are fiending for a hit of crank when outside the safe confines of your meth lab, do not panic. The local K-Mart provides the ingredients and an ideal place to cook up; a public restroom.

Labels: drugs, stupidity

Just another day at the races.

Labels: hate, stupidity

A kid who got beat up for wearing a pink shirt to school is suing the school and his attacker. I have some words of advice to the little Mary wearing his ballerina gear. If you are delusional enough to believe that nobody is going to call you a "faggot" and try to fight you when you are:

1. A male.
2. Wearing a pink collared shirt to high school (a place renowned for excessive social Darwinism).

Then you deserved the beating you got. Only one man can pull off the pink shirt and his name is Don Johnson.

Labels: education, pop culture, stupidity

Anti-seatbelt activist loses his debate. An excerpt:

In a column written for the Daily Nebraskan in September, Derek attacked seat belt laws as intrusions on individual liberties and expensive to enforce. "It is my choice what type of safety precautions I take," he wrote. "There seems to be a die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up no matter what the government does. I belong to this group."

I wonder if these were Captain Liberty's last thoughts before his head splattered all over the interstate. I wear a seatbelt but not because there is law saying I have to. I buckle up because in the event of an accident, I do not want to exit my automobile at sixty miles per hour skull first through the windshield. Spending my formidable years eating through a straw and having loved ones empty my colostomy bag is not very appealing.

Labels: death, stupidity

Boy meets girl. Boy douses girl with gasoline. Boy throws a match on girl. Girl suffers horrific burns. After months of intensive treatment and physical therapy, girl wants to work things out with boy.

Labels: feelings, stupidity

It takes an abundance of stupidity, mental illness and distorted views on sexuality to commit any act of bestiality. It is too bad for society that this rottweiler was raised in a loving environment and seemingly docile. I would have much rather preferred that sick fucker tangling with an animal that had been chained to a tree and beaten regularly. I am guessing the abused dog would have been far more aggressive and at least bitten his cock off.

Labels: bestiality, stupidity

Before going on a three-day bender, get a babysitter. Better yet, do not have any children. Without responsibilities and another life to take care of, you can wallow in your selfish existence, hang out in garbage-infested alleys and smoke the rock until your heart explodes.

Labels: drugs, stupidity

Maybe I am am antiquated in my child rearing methods, but I think showing children hardcore pornography will not adequately demonstrate what could happen to them by talking to strangers.

Labels: porn, stupidity

My neighbor moved in less than one week ago. I attempted to say hello to him and he just ignored my friendly platitudes. In the early hours of this very morning, I decided my new neighbor is stupid and I hate him.

Around midnight, I had just finished watching American Pimp on HBO when I remembered it was trash day. I walked down the stairs and into my garage to put the trash cans out and I was smacked around like a trailer park wife with the pungent aroma of gasoline. My first thought was my car was leaking gas, so I checked underneath it. Nothing. I concluded that my neighbor was huffing gas in his garage like some middle school kids in a deserted park. I did not think too much of it so I shut my garage and proceeded upstairs to bed. Within minutes the smell of gas was everywhere and strong enough to make me nauseous. In a rational and calm manner I proceeded to yell obscenities out the window at him. I noticed emergency lights outside on the street and next to his customized, rusted Ford Bronco a team of police and firemen were circled around it. Apparently, MacGyver ruptured his gas tank with a screwdriver trying to change his oil in his garage and instead of finding a bucket or some empty liquid holding device to catch the falling fuel, he let the gas pour out all over his garage, started the vehicle quickly and drove it across the street leaking gas the entire way. He parked next to the gutter and let the gas leak into it and then walked back to inside and went to bed. In the end, he received a ticket, they towed his piece of shit Bronco away and my town home was awash in gas fumes until about 6:30 this morning. The stupid fucking bastard. I hope he trips on his front steps and the fall renders him unconscious so I can walk by and kick him in the face until he dies.

Labels: stupidity, the fairways