- George Clooney is a bitch. All the deviants on my Thursday night ice hockey team judged me a few weeks ago for not having seen Two Girls And 1 Cup. So I gave into peer pressure and watched the scat sickness unfold before me. I am convinced the two girls were eating chocolate soft serve ice cream and not engaging in actual corpophilia. I need footage of the poop in question being shat into the cup, not the cup going off camera and than magically re-entering the frame filled with poop. Who are you judging now, Thursday night ice hockey team?
- In California, science dorks are getting their panties in a twist over the first substantiated wolverine sighting since the 1920s. Yee-haw! It is a large, ferocious weasel!
- Erotic Falconry is a great idea with poor execution (Read: birds of prey Photshopped into pictures of hot chicks). I was expecting topless shots of hot chicks with falconers gloves and assorted raptors affixed to them. I guess my standards are just too high. You disappoint me yet again, internet.
Labels: chicks, link goodness, perversion, poop, pop culture, porn, science
- This is your brain on drugs.
- 24 beers a day for 8 years.
- According to a new theory, modern humans are descendants of inbred chimpanzees. This makes what I see on Cops make much more sense.
Labels: drinking, drugs, link goodness, science
- Google Maps illustrates what happens to coastal areas when the ocean levels rise.
- A suit of plastic babies.
- Regarding this link; I think my Dad said it best after I burned my hand on the stove: "You have no one to blame but yourself."
Labels: link goodness, science, sports
- Take that, you cocksucking creationists.
- The reason the Duke Lacrosse season was suspended indefinitely. It is one thing to call strippers bitches and threaten to skin them; but if you do these things while "cumming in your Duke issue spandex" then you have crossed the line.
- Seven famous songs with factual or logical mistakes in the lyrics.
Labels: link goodness, music, science, sports
Keep
it up,
Chuang Chuang the Panda. For your species is on the brink of extinction.
Labels: perversion, science
- For those who want to go John Conner ala Terminator 3 and live off the grid, here is a step-by-step guide on how to disappear in America without a trace.
- Horror stories from the piercing industry. Be sure to have fully digested your lunch.
- I can now say that I have seen a tiger and a lion getting it on.
- Satire meets reality. The former link is my second favorite Onion article next to this.
Labels: link goodness, pop culture, science, tomfoolery
- I was always under the impression that the worst mistake in the human race was Courtney Love. According to author Jared Diamond, it is the adoption of agriculture.
- Fishermen in northern Thailand have caught the biggest catfish on record; a 646-pound monster. This story would have been more amazing if they noodled the son of a bitch.
- A man was discovered in a tank under a women's toilet filled with human waste peeping up at the girls doing their business. That is what I call a serious commitment to your wank.
Labels: books, link goodness, perversion, science
- Architectural projects for the Soviet Union (circa 1930-1950) that were never realized. My personal favorites: The Palace of Soviets and The Aeroflot Building.
- Carmen Electra's Advanced Aerobic Striptease.
- The ten biggest threats to Earth and life as we know it. I am hoping humanity does not get wiped out by a viral pandemic (too boring) or terrorists (too cliche). If anything, I am pulling for a super volcano to rain down ash and fire on us or for hyper-intelligent robots to turn our planet into a goddamn apocalyptic nuclear wasteland like in The Terminator.
- The Philadelphia Flyers Have a Time Machine: Installment Four.
Labels: death, link goodness, pop culture, science, sex, sports
The
conclusion of the
homosexual penguin saga. This penguin enclosure sounds similar to the Spartan
Agoge.
Labels: gay, science
The
six homosexual penguins showed no interest in their new female companions and remained faithful to
each other. The zoo will now fly in fundamentalist Christian
penguins to get the
sexually deviant male penguins to repent, reproduce, and then live in an emotionally distant and sexless marriage with their female companions while engaging in some hot gay action on the side.
Labels: gay, science
A German zoo is flying in female
penguins to tempt its
male homosexual penguins to go
straight. I give it a month before the female
penguins turn into overweight fag-hags and swoon when the
homosexual males chirp to them in their
penguin tongue, "Girl, you are too good for him."
Labels: gay, science
Jake: Giant
squids.
Me: The giant squids are taking over.
Jake: Yes. I have long thought that tentacles were the only things that might trump thumbs.
Me: Regardless, we still have the larger brain.
Jake: Yeah. But you give the same brain to a species with thumbs and to a species with tentacles and the tentacles just might be more useful than thumbs.
Me: Agreed. Squids could definitely hold more weapons with their tentacles. This is assuming of course, that they become amphibious, run aground and grow giant brains.
Jake: Right. I mean, they could spread just one tentacle over an entire keyboard. In order to compete with that, we would have to type with our fingers, wrist and elbow.
Me: Can they control sectional elements of their tentacles? Like in the instance of typing?
Jake: I think so. A tentacle is not sectional though. I think it is just a big bunch of muscle.
Me: So they cannot type?
Jake: I think they could.
Me: I am not sure. I am going to need to see a cross section of a tentacle in order to determine.
Jake: Here you go.
Me: That settles it. The squids can type.
Labels: im convos, jake, science
