• Ten things we do not understand about humans. I love how pubic hair made the list and I love even more that some scientist has studied pubic hair back to prehistory. For the record: we do not need explanations for why women prefer to go hairless.
  
• With the recent retirement of NHL star Jeremy Roenick, Greg Wyshynski compiled a list of his top ten pop culture moments on Yahoo! Sports. Of course the mention of him in the movie Swingers was high on the list (#2). In reference to Roenick being a video game hall of famer I could not agree more. He was without a doubt the most dominant players on NHL '94. I averaged a hat trick with him each time I played as the Blackhawks. Note to my wife: with my birthday impending I urge you to make this happen.
• The thirty five worst celebrity tattoos. Fred Durst: thank you for confirming you are the biggest douchebag in a group douchebags. And Reggie Miller? Seriously?
  

Labels: geekery, hockey, movies, music, pop culture, science, sports, tattoos, vajayjay

• I love my son but I do not love him this much.
• Shipwreck map of Sable Island (a.k.a. the Graveyard of the Atlantic). The island is also famous for its ponies. Good to know.
  
• No matter what former Playboy centerfolds with huge fake cans tell me, I am vaccinating the boy. Much like Roald Dahl, I still take the Measles seriously.
  

Labels: babies, disease, family, history, link goodness, pop culture, random, science, stupidity

• A 5.4 magnitude earthquake hit Los Angeles earlier today and yielded no deaths with minor damage. Where are those celebrity upskirts when you need them most?
  
• Some Island of Dr.Moreau shit washed ashore in Montauk, Long Island. Crazy genetic mutant that escaped from Plum Island or a dried up sea turtle missing its shell? You decide.
  
• Mr.Belding cuts a rug with some hot chicks in Vegas.

Labels: chicks, link goodness, pop culture, science, tomfoolery, vegas

The pussy collective has developed into two well-honed killing machines. In the past three weeks I have disposed of three birds which has brought the kitty's confirmed kill tally to seven and a half (I received credit for two assists on the birds I had to close out with the back end of a shovel). Our cats have now re-focused their murderous rampage on newer victims; bunnies. The past two evenings, the pussy collective has brought a bunny to the back door squirming in each one of their mouths. Have you ever heard a cute and timid bunny rabbit scream in agony? Much like the Madonna song La Isla Bonita, it is something you can never un-hear. The pussy collective has established their dominance in the wilds of our suburban neighborhood via the Way of Chuck Darwin. I will keep disposing of bodies, my sweet kittens, as long as you keep those rabbits from grazing on the freshly-seeded patch of lawn in the corner of the yard.

Labels: killing, kitty, pop culture, science, the greens

• Hannah Montana penis candy.
• "Raised to be tough" guy also not raised to lose drinking contests.
• Some scientists are claiming that for the first time in human history, the North Pole will be free of ice of this summer. If we can retroactively measure the North Pole ice pack back through Prehistory, then we should be able to stop Tila Tequila.
  

Labels: drinking, link goodness, music, pop culture, science, stupidity

• George Clooney is a bitch. All the deviants on my Thursday night ice hockey team judged me a few weeks ago for not having seen Two Girls And 1 Cup. So I gave into peer pressure and watched the scat sickness unfold before me. I am convinced the two girls were eating chocolate soft serve ice cream and not engaging in actual corpophilia. I need footage of the poop in question being shat into the cup, not the cup going off camera and than magically re-entering the frame filled with poop. Who are you judging now, Thursday night ice hockey team?
  
• In California, science dorks are getting their panties in a twist over the first substantiated wolverine sighting since the 1920s. Yee-haw! It is a large, ferocious weasel!
• Erotic Falconry is a great idea with poor execution (Read: birds of prey Photshopped into pictures of hot chicks). I was expecting topless shots of hot chicks with falconers gloves and assorted raptors affixed to them. I guess my standards are just too high. You disappoint me yet again, internet.

Labels: chicks, link goodness, perversion, poop, pop culture, porn, science

• A man argues that he cannot be prosecuted for having sex with a deer because the animal was dead at the time of said bestial necrophiliac coitus.
• A cargo container loaded with the Doritos washes ashore after falling off a ship. Fattys riot for the sloppy seconds.
  
• A killer whale acting like a killer whale (save for the act of eating its prey).
• Gingerbread Tie-Fighter.
• Google Video of a limber octopus.
• Awesome architecture, installment one: hotcakes housing project.

Labels: bestiality, gluttony, link goodness, perversion, pop culture, science, unemployment

• Punter stabbed by back-up punter.
• Wikipedia for Bauhaus.
• YouTube of Rachel Bilson as Wonder Woman.
• T-ball coach offers one of his players $25 to bean an autistic kid.
• YouTube of a hot girl on LSD.
• Dwarf planet that caused Pluto's downgrade named Eris after the Greek goddess of discord.
• Jessica Biel: Kissing chicks with her meaty tongue.
• Google results for "stabbing someone in the back of the head."

Labels: art, link goodness, pop culture, science, sports, tomfoolery, unemployment

• This is your brain on drugs.
• 24 beers a day for 8 years.
• According to a new theory, modern humans are descendants of inbred chimpanzees. This makes what I see on Cops make much more sense.

Labels: drinking, drugs, link goodness, science

Arctic Circle jungle fever.

Labels: science

• Google Maps illustrates what happens to coastal areas when the ocean levels rise.
• A suit of plastic babies.
• Regarding this link; I think my Dad said it best after I burned my hand on the stove: "You have no one to blame but yourself."

Labels: link goodness, science, sports

• Take that, you cocksucking creationists.
  
• The reason the Duke Lacrosse season was suspended indefinitely. It is one thing to call strippers bitches and threaten to skin them; but if you do these things while "cumming in your Duke issue spandex" then you have crossed the line.
  
• Seven famous songs with factual or logical mistakes in the lyrics.

Labels: link goodness, music, science, sports

Keep it up, Chuang Chuang the Panda. For your species is on the brink of extinction.

Labels: perversion, science

Photographic evidence that slays the "You never see a shark eating another shark" theory.

Labels: science

A bulleted list on what bothers me about this link:

• A clown can be sexually arousing.
• An advertising professional going by the nickname Kazoo.
• Den Fujita, the first McDonald's Japan president, waxing on diet and skin color: "The reason Japanese people are so short and have yellow skins is because they have eaten nothing but fish and rice for 2000 years. If we eat McDonald's hamburgers and potatoes for a thousand years we will become taller, our skin become white and our hair blond."

I have just three words for McDonald's Japan: Giant McSquid Sandwich.

Labels: food, perversion, pop culture, science

• For those who want to go John Conner ala Terminator 3 and live off the grid, here is a step-by-step guide on how to disappear in America without a trace.
• Horror stories from the piercing industry. Be sure to have fully digested your lunch.
• I can now say that I have seen a tiger and a lion getting it on.
• Satire meets reality. The former link is my second favorite Onion article next to this.

Labels: link goodness, pop culture, science, tomfoolery

• I was always under the impression that the worst mistake in the human race was Courtney Love. According to author Jared Diamond, it is the adoption of agriculture.
  
• Fishermen in northern Thailand have caught the biggest catfish on record; a 646-pound monster. This story would have been more amazing if they noodled the son of a bitch.
• A man was discovered in a tank under a women's toilet filled with human waste peeping up at the girls doing their business. That is what I call a serious commitment to your wank.

Labels: books, link goodness, perversion, science

• Architectural projects for the Soviet Union (circa 1930-1950) that were never realized. My personal favorites: The Palace of Soviets and The Aeroflot Building.
• Carmen Electra's Advanced Aerobic Striptease.
  
• The ten biggest threats to Earth and life as we know it. I am hoping humanity does not get wiped out by a viral pandemic (too boring) or terrorists (too cliche). If anything, I am pulling for a super volcano to rain down ash and fire on us or for hyper-intelligent robots to turn our planet into a goddamn apocalyptic nuclear wasteland like in The Terminator.
• The Philadelphia Flyers Have a Time Machine: Installment Four.

Labels: death, hockey, link goodness, pop culture, science, sex, sports

The conclusion of the homosexual penguin saga. This penguin enclosure sounds similar to the Spartan Agoge.

Labels: gay, history, science

The six homosexual penguins showed no interest in their new female companions and remained faithful to each other. The zoo will now fly in fundamentalist Christian penguins to get the sexually deviant male penguins to repent, reproduce, and then live in an emotionally distant and sexless marriage with their female companions while engaging in some hot gay action on the side.

Labels: gay, science, sex

A German zoo is flying in female penguins to tempt its male homosexual penguins to go straight. I give it a month before the female penguins turn into overweight fag-hags and swoon when the homosexual males chirp to them in their penguin tongue, "Girl, you are too good for him."

Labels: gay, science

Jake: Giant squids.
Me: The giant squids are taking over.
Jake: Yes. I have long thought that tentacles were the only things that might trump thumbs.
Me: Regardless, we still have the larger brain.
Jake: Yeah. But you give the same brain to a species with thumbs and to a species with tentacles and the tentacles just might be more useful than thumbs.
Me: Agreed. Squids could definitely hold more weapons with their tentacles. This is assuming of course, that they become amphibious, run aground and grow giant brains.
Jake: Right. I mean, they could spread just one tentacle over an entire keyboard. In order to compete with that, we would have to type with our fingers, wrist and elbow.
Me: Can they control sectional elements of their tentacles? Like in the instance of typing?
Jake: I think so. A tentacle is not sectional though. I think it is just a big bunch of muscle.
Me: So they cannot type?
Jake: I think they could.
Me: I am not sure. I am going to need to see a cross section of a tentacle in order to determine.
Jake: Here you go.
Me: That settles it. The squids can type.

Labels: im convos, jake, science

Modern science is magical. Veterinary students can learn how to properly rectally palpitate cattle on the bovine rectal palpation simulator. This simulator is similar to the position I assume when I ask for a raise at work; my boss being the young student who does not take his wrist watch off in the scenario.

Labels: data slaughterhouse, science

After a morbidly obese woman crushed a toddler with her girth she proclaimed, "I'm crying. I'm hurting. I don't know what to do." Here is a suggestion: Go on a diet.

Click here for a related link regarding girth and mortality.

Labels: death, gluttony, science

The NASA Voyager missions were launched in the late 1970s. The unmanned spacecrafts are now on the edge of the solar system and are the most distant human-made objects in the universe. Voyager I carries a golden record and record player with greetings and information about Earth for extraterrestrials. Voyager II also maintains the awe and splendor of late 1970s technology, being equipped with a golden 8-track tape deck and a golden rotary dial telephone with cord.

Labels: science, technology

The worst job I ever had was slinging furniture and boxes for a moving company in the dead of summer. The work was hot and shitty and the majority of my coworkers were drug addicts. Two guys actually smoked meth in the morning before their shift and called it coffee. It could have been worse, I suppose. At least I have no experience with elephant vasectomy.

Labels: career, drugs, science

A tongue piercing becomes a lightning conductor. Still, I guess it is cool to jam a metal rod in your mouth that makes you drool when you talk and is otherwise only noticeable when said tongue piercing is licking on my balls.

Labels: science, sex, stupidity

For the past five years a very bored man has been constructing the biggest rubber band ball in the world. This week he watched as his life's work plummeted to its demise in the Mojave Desert. He had hoped that dropping the biggest rubber band ball in the world out of a plane would cause it to bounce when it hit the ground. Unfortunately, nobody explained to Captain Lou Albano the law of inertia or society's need for him to tandem jump with said rubber band ball.

Labels: science, stupidity

Humans share the planet with many living beings, plants and animals and our relationship with them is symbiotic; we use them to sustain existence. If I had to, I would go out and kill for my food. Thankfully, I live in a capitalist society and the advent of labor specialization keeps me up to my tits in lean ground beef provided by animals that were kept in pens and treated as commodities. All economic systems exploit people, animals and environments. No amount of holier-than-thou liberal rhetoric is going to stop people from eating meat. It is unfortunate that animals do not have opposable thumbs and the ability to reason, but that is why humans are on top of the food chain and animals are not. So once again PETA, shut your filthy grass-eating sewers and let me enjoy some delicious meatloaf in peace.

Labels: food, politics, rage, science