• Olympic gender-bending scandals.
• A history of modern art in three paragraphs. Marcel Duchamp did change art forever. As for the Dadaists being radically opposed to rational thought? That does not make them punk rock. It just makes them rebellious.
• Ted Kennedy is sleeping with Jesus. It has been a bad month for the Kennedys. I think Dennis Leary had it right: "They shot JFK, they shot RFK and when it came down to Ted they just said, 'Leave him be. He will fuck it all up on his own.'"
  

Labels: america, art, death, link goodness, politics, pop culture, sports

• The world's strongest vagina. It can lift 14 kilos? Whatever. I would like to see what it could do with ping pong balls. Seriously. I would really like to see that.
• A father and son that kill and bury hookers together stay together.
• I could not agree more, John Niven. Because you record some awesome shit like Dirty Diana you get a free pass of the kiddie-touchin'? Not on my watch you dead, twisted, clown-looking freak. It is not like you revolutionized industry and tried to get us to hate on some Jews. You fingered little boys in the ass and should be vilified accordingly; especially posthumously.
  

Labels: death, history, killing, link goodness, music, pop culture, vajayjay, whores

• I cannot wait to have another baby only to see my kids do this to each other.
• "Yes, Jimmy. There is such thing as the freshman fifteen."
• Ed McMahon is sleeping with Jesus. Ed was most famous for being the Lancelot to Johnny Carson's King Arthur, hosting Star Search and giving old ladies heart attacks via Publisher's Clearinghouse. I was unaware that Ed was a retired Colonel and accomplished pilot in WWII and Korea.

Labels: babies, college, death, gluttony, link goodness, pop culture, tomfoolery

• I love my son but I do not love him this much.
• Shipwreck map of Sable Island (a.k.a. the Graveyard of the Atlantic). The island is also famous for its ponies. Good to know.
  
• No matter what former Playboy centerfolds with huge fake cans tell me, I am vaccinating the boy. Much like Roald Dahl, I still take the Measles seriously.
  

Labels: babies, disease, family, history, link goodness, pop culture, random, science, stupidity

• Timberlake absolutely killed Saturday Night Live over the weekend. I am loving the Color Me Badd personas he and Samberg take on. Acid-washed jeans? Christ.
  
• The Denver Nuggets have been rolling through the first two rounds of the NBA playoffs. The main reason? Homegrown talent Chauncey Billups. I remember watching Chauncey eat my high school alive in the state basketball tournament back in '94. If the Nugs win it all, there is no player more deserving of MVP honors.
  
• Rwanda, fifteen years after the genocide. The new government granted Get Out Of Jail Free Cards to most participants of the single largest mass murder in African history. Good times.
  

Labels: death, denver, history, link goodness, music, pop culture, sports, war

• Unicorn madness brought to you by my wife's childhood needlepoint "Unicorn Jumping Over A Rainbow" project.
• Best. Jon Mayer. Fan. Ever.
• I need to order business cards for Broz Design and beef jerky is now officially under consideration.
  

Labels: broz design, link goodness, music, pop culture, tomfoolery, wife

• Elena Basescu, daughter of Romanian president Traian Basescu, looks like an Eastern-bloc Wynne Cooper, is running for European Parliament and likes to mount fallen horses to pose for pictures.
• The saddest and happiest headstone I have ever seen.
  
• The Sears Tower is getting renamed the Willis Tower. Nice work, Sears. I can just hear my dead grandfather Broz renouncing his brand loyalty to all Craftsmen products on the other side.

Labels: chicks, family, history, link goodness, politics, pop culture, tomfoolery

• The year 2008 in photographs.
• Does this generation of middle-school kids even know who Wynne Cooper is? Did they lust after her 13 year-old frame and fantasize about making out with her in Paul Pfieffer's basement after the Sadie Hawkins dance like the pubescent Matt Brozovich did?
• Mr. Belding rocks the karaoke and is releasing a DVD/CD called Karaoke With Your Favorite Principal Dennis Haskins, aka Mr. Belding. I enjoyed his duet rendition of "Mustang Sally" with the ever-vapid Brook Hogan. Someone should have told Mr. B about Brooke's cock before he dropped all those sexual innuendos.
  

Labels: chicks, link goodness, music, pop culture

• Fetal Bites: America's number one fetus cookie cutter. Upon purchase I foresee Scottish Shortbread fetus cookies in my future.
  
• A giant pregnant anaconda is slain. Seeing all those dead anaconda babies strewn about gave me a Temple of Doom vibe as opposed to a JLo/Ice Cube vibe.
• A preview of Steven Colbert's "Another Christmas Song." Colbert has a decent voice and I am guessing the album will kitschy and mildly entertaining ranking somewhere between Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics and The Star Wars Christmas Album (the latter of which I owned on vinyl in my youth).
  

Labels: america, babies, dead babies, food, geekery, link goodness, movies, music, nostalgia, pop culture, wife, xmas

• The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.
• Zombie attacks from antiquity.
• "I Love Shotgunning Zombies" shirt from Threadless.
• You Tube of the Cranberries song "Zombie."
• The guide to zombie fornication.
• How zombies work.
• Zombie pinup girls; beauty and braaains!
  

Labels: books, halloween, link goodness, music, pop culture, zombies

• Confessions of a naked sushi model. Surprisingly, combining nudity and sushi do not make my balls rise in the least.
• RoboCop on a Unicorn. Dig the Flickr gallery. One of the best things I have linked to since Johanna's Art Inspired by Stevie Nicks.
• A list of Manic Pixie Dream Girl characters from popular culture. I may have married Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Read this description and judge for yourself: The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is stunningly attractive, high on life, full of wacky quirks and idiosyncrasies, and inexplicably obsessed with our stuffed-shirt hero, on whom she will focus her antics until he learns to live and love.

Labels: chicks, food, link goodness, pop culture, wife

• An online video collection of every It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia episode (in my opinion, the greatest show on television). I recommend starting with The Gang Finds A Dumpster Baby.
• The end of Iceland? When your country's currency is valued just above Zimbabwes then you have some serious problems. I hope Iceland has more viable exports than just a batshit crazy musician and volcanic ash to pull them out of their current economic crunch.
• A man rides an adult-sized tricycle intoxicated. Hijinks ensue.
  

Labels: drinking, history, link goodness, politics, pop culture, tomfoolery

• A 5.4 magnitude earthquake hit Los Angeles earlier today and yielded no deaths with minor damage. Where are those celebrity upskirts when you need them most?
  
• Some Island of Dr.Moreau shit washed ashore in Montauk, Long Island. Crazy genetic mutant that escaped from Plum Island or a dried up sea turtle missing its shell? You decide.
  
• Mr.Belding cuts a rug with some hot chicks in Vegas.

Labels: chicks, link goodness, pop culture, science, tomfoolery, vegas

• For those with an aversion to evacuating their bowels in the in the woods, I present you the shit box.
• I like it when my pay-per-view smut is uncomplicated. This digital cable menu reminds me of my trip to Vegas when Wil and EZ were going through the Spank Vision listings. We stopped giggling like middle school girls huffing ether when we landed the she-male feature With or Without.
• It has to be tough living in Alex P. Keaton's shadow and all, but damn Andy, settle the fuck down. I long for the day when my friend working in the Boulder County DOC splits Andy Keaton's skull with a nightstick for getting "mouthy" in lock up.
  

Labels: boulder, crime, ez, link goodness, poop, porn, sg crew, vegas, wil

• Hannah Montana penis candy.
• "Raised to be tough" guy also not raised to lose drinking contests.
• Some scientists are claiming that for the first time in human history, the North Pole will be free of ice of this summer. If we can retroactively measure the North Pole ice pack back through Prehistory, then we should be able to stop Tila Tequila.
  

Labels: drinking, link goodness, music, pop culture, science, stupidity

• Photobombers are people who ruin seemingly nice pictures. Here are some of the best Photobombers from Facebook.
• Sportsmanship is alive and well in female athletics. If it were dudes playing in that game the scenario would have played out something like this: Guy hits a jack. While rounding first base he blows out his knee. After making fun of the guy for blowing out his knee while rounding the bases on a home run, the opposing team feigns fake concern until trainers haul him off the field whereupon the umpire makes the proper ruling of a two-run single. The opposing team will later tell their grandchildren about some moron that shredded his ACL after going yard in a bourbon-soaked haze forty years later.
  
• Peanut butter and jelly. Milk and cookies. College fraternities and cocaine rings.
  

Labels: drugs, link goodness, sports, tomfoolery

• Hulkamania is apparently not about lifting your weights and eating your vitamins but slathering baby oil inappropriately all over your daughter's ass.
• Bill Geerhart wrote letters to some of the most infamous figures in the country posing as a ten year-old boy named Billy. Hijinks ensue.
• Just when I thought Tyra Banks was in another stratosphere with her insanity she proves that there are others even more crazy than her. The best (saddest) part of the feature? When Summer's dad hands her a bottle of lube for her first day of whoring.

Labels: bad parents, link goodness, perversion, pop culture

• Another reason besides gambling payouts to enjoy college athletics. Note to YouTube video collage guy: Have enough respect for your craft to at least have the images of your obsession sync with the music. And Jimi Hendrix's "Foxy Lady"? Come on. Think it through.
• Jackie Warner, attractive lesbian fitness trainer, is apparently the apple of every straight girl's eye.
• Sleeve tattoos are officially played out. Ho do I know? Because of this.

Labels: chicks, health, lesbians, link goodness, music, pop culture, sports, tattoos

• Analytics according to Captain Kirk. In short, the survival rate of a red-shirted crew person on the USS Enterprise is akin to that of a Russian infantryman during WWII.
• A timeline of Black Flag's hair.
• The Montana Meth Project. Gritty, jarring and perfect.

Labels: drugs, link goodness, music, pop culture, war

• Alamosa, Colorado. Home of the Great Sand Dunes, a college where slightly above average suburban high school athletes go to die and now, free salmonella!
  
• McDonalds sack 1, Brandon Marshall 0. Brandon Marshall joins the esteemed list of other Denver professional athletes who obtained an injury under strange circumstances (read: getting caught in a lie). Congratulations Brandon! You will now be held in the same esteem as Clint Barmes breaking his collarbone while carrying deer meat (read: being flipped off of a four wheeler) and Brian Griese tripping over his dog, falling down the stairs and spraining his ankle (read: taking a tumble while sloppy drunk). Look on the bright side: almost losing an arm is a better thing to be remembered for than talking about practice.
  
• Mirror gets thrown from Colorado University dorm room window. Hijinks ensue.

Labels: colorado, link goodness, sports, stupidity

• The comics deal that put Mile High Comics and Charles Rozanski on the map.
  
• The 20 biggest record company screw-ups of all time. Number one? The killing of Napster. Also ridiculous yet notable; the selling of Motown for peanuts, letting Bob Dylan go for a thousand bucks and the Guns N' Roses Chinese Democracy debacle.
• An image gallery of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue covers from 1964-2008.

Labels: boobs, chicks, comics, link goodness, music, pop culture, swimsuit issue

• George Clooney is a bitch. All the deviants on my Thursday night ice hockey team judged me a few weeks ago for not having seen Two Girls And 1 Cup. So I gave into peer pressure and watched the scat sickness unfold before me. I am convinced the two girls were eating chocolate soft serve ice cream and not engaging in actual corpophilia. I need footage of the poop in question being shat into the cup, not the cup going off camera and than magically re-entering the frame filled with poop. Who are you judging now, Thursday night ice hockey team?
  
• In California, science dorks are getting their panties in a twist over the first substantiated wolverine sighting since the 1920s. Yee-haw! It is a large, ferocious weasel!
• Erotic Falconry is a great idea with poor execution (Read: birds of prey Photshopped into pictures of hot chicks). I was expecting topless shots of hot chicks with falconers gloves and assorted raptors affixed to them. I guess my standards are just too high. You disappoint me yet again, internet.

Labels: chicks, link goodness, perversion, poop, pop culture, porn, science

• The man who quipped "The name is Dalton..." after his set/bar fight at the Double Deuce is no more. Godspeed, Mr. Healey. I thought you would be bigger.
• Bacon cups. I may have the wife whip me up some bacon cups so I can pack them full of bacon bits and have a heart attack upon consumption.
  
• A photo essay about Uncle Dirty (NSFW). Uncle Dirty has a hog, friends. Enjoy the thong photo (near the bottom) which displays Uncle Dirty's skid marks are welcome.

Labels: bacon, death, link goodness, movies, perversion, pop culture, wife

• Click here to see the reason why I am hooked on A&E's Intervention (pun intended). Naked meth whore's journals are eerily reminiscent of a former coworker of mine who was rumored to be on the pipe. She used to sketch magical spirals and write "NO" repeatedly in her notebooks during board meetings.
• Michael Jackson may be losing the Happy Pedophile Ranch due to some back taxes.
• The Colorado Avalanche made some big moves before the trading deadline netting them Peter Forsberg, Adam Foote and Ruslan Salei. In other 1999 news, American Beauty wins the Oscar for Best Picture and folks are starting to get serious about this Y2K thing.

Labels: colorado, drugs, hockey, link goodness, pop culture, sports

• Kate Beckinsale. Meow. I have been a fan ever since she started fighting werewolves and vampires in a tight, black jumpsuit and bustier.
• Lindsay Lohan. Doing the Marilyn thing (NSFW). Whatever. Everyone has seen her cash and prizes (NSFW) before, so getting an unobstructed view of her bare chest is not all that exciting. Regardless, the pictures are tastefully done and my maleness caused me to pause and acknowledge her befreckled fun bags. It is still too difficult to tell if the carpet matches the drapes due to her clean, close shave.
  
• Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman. It is a strange moment when Natalie Portman becomes the grenade in any scenario, but she is standing next to Scarlett Johansson's tits. Those things are like attractive friend Kryptonite; their glory weakens any hotness within their immediate vicinity.

Labels: boobs, chicks, link goodness, pop culture, vajayjay

• Tips on managing Millennials (or as I like to call them "The Participation Ribbon Generation"). Not willing to make routine sacrifices, cannot handle criticism well and take things too seriously, you say? I am guessing it had something to do with an entire generation being raised with a sense of entitlement, hyper-sensitivity and not being allowed to fail. Guess we should have kept score at their Little League games after all.
• The perfect Valentine's Day gift: Afghani War Rugs! Now available in the new, delicious 9/11 Flavor!
• Roger Clemens throws his wife under the bus to protect what is left of his sterling professional baseball reputation. Well played, Mr. I Did Not Use HGH But My Bitch Wife Did.
  

Labels: 9/11, age, link goodness, sports, valentines day, war

• The unholy recipe experiments of Bacon Cereal and a Bacon Cheese Baconburger. Hijinks and artery clogging ensue.
• Canned bacon. For those that are too lazy to fry swine in a skillet.
• Comedian Jim Gaffigan on Bacon.
• Wikipedia for Francis Bacon.

Labels: bacon, food, link goodness

• The New York Jet's D Concourse becomes Mardi Gras at halftime. I am actually surprised this does not happen during the entire game being as New Jersey tunnel trash lifting up their shirts seems far more interesting than watching Kellen Clemens play quarterback. It is sad when the best thing that happened to your professional sports franchise in the past decade was this.
• Vintage photography of a 60s era sex party (NSFW).
• Obesity trends in the USA from 1985-2006. Good to see Colorado representing the low end of the scale along with Massachusetts and Connecticut. Do us all a favor West Virginia and Mississippi; put down the cupcakes and go for a bike ride or something.

Labels: gluttony, link goodness, sex, sports, tomfoolery

• Mother of year turns tricks while her kids are in the back seat and snorts coke from the stomach of her newborn son while breast-feeding him.
• Today marks the anniversary of Tim Allen being arrested with one and half pounds of yam-yam at the airport and rolling on his longtime friend to get a life sentence reduced only to go on to make shitty situation comedies and Santa Claus related films.
• Members Only jackets for $10. I may have to pull the trigger on one of these badboys and wear it over my Queensryche Operation: Mindcrime concert shirt.

Labels: bad parents, drugs, link goodness, music

• Jake got more ink over the weekend. Two words: fucking huge. At least something will be able to take the attention away from cock dagger now.
• DMX loves dogs like Mike Vick.
• Congratulations to 2007 Miss Teen USA Hilary Cruz (from Colorado; represent). I trust your response during the question and answer segment was not anything like this.

Labels: colorado, jake, link goodness, music, pop culture, sports, stupidity, tattoos

• A camouflage "fuck" hat with "fuck" written in Old English lettering; its says your are classy but you also know how to party.
• A cartoon about Mormon Theology. I am going to teach my kids that they owe it to the world to defile at least one Latter Day Saint in their lifetime.
• Spiders crawl into boy's ear. Hijinks ensue.

Labels: link goodness, mormons, pop culture, tomfoolery

• Miss Tennessee Rachel Smith was crowned Miss USA recently. Methinks it had much to do with her prominent camel toe during the swimsuit competition.
• The 10 worst rap album covers ever made. Sadly, I used to own one of them. I can only wish it were M$ Tee Having Thing$ or Tec-9 Straight From Tha Ramp.
• After the move this weekend the wife and I will be within spitting distance of the best liquor store and mini-golf in Colorado.
  

Labels: camel toe, link goodness, liquor, music, pop culture, the greens, vajayjay, wife

• A multi-tasking rapist. I think rape etiquette should tell you to set a cell phone on 'Airplane Mode' or at least leave it in the getaway car.
  
• A mutant skin disease from the Eastern bloc. I usually pride myself on sniffing out photo manipulation of any sort and this seems to be legit. The only red flag is Wikipedia not having an entry for Lewandowsky-Lutz Dysplasia.
• Her boobs, her boobs, her boobs are okay. Her sweater puppies are beyond okay; they are fantastic.

Labels: boobs, crime, disease, link goodness, pop culture, rape

• Mr. Belding (Dennis Haskins) and Tony Romo singing a cover of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" with Metal Skool. Good times. I think I will email Metal Skool and offer to redesign their site. Yeesh. What they got there now looks like an aborted fetus.
  
• Behold the model index of the 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Enjoy wasting the rest of your day, boys. (Except for you, Gay Joe. Go find a homosexual site where dudes are dressed in SS uniforms and whipping each other or something).
  
• Jake's half sister is a transient pervert that likes to tie people up and drink their blood.

Labels: boobs, jake, link goodness, pop culture, swimsuit issue

• An astronaut love triangle sponsored by Depends brand adult diapers. Because when hunting down crazy bitches that look suggestively at your man, there is no time for a bathroom break.
• In Malcolm X's auto-biography, he wrote about taking large doses of nutmeg to get high in prison. While its not as glamorous as hand sanitizer, it does the trick all the same (read firsthand accounts of nutmeg highs here, here and here).
• Ron Jeremy gets some behind-the-dumpster action from a random skank at a Saddle Ranch Steakhouse. All this while said random skank's date waited patiently for her to return. And she did. With cum in her hair.

Labels: books, drugs, history, link goodness, pop culture, porn

• A man argues that he cannot be prosecuted for having sex with a deer because the animal was dead at the time of said bestial necrophiliac coitus.
• A cargo container loaded with the Doritos washes ashore after falling off a ship. Fattys riot for the sloppy seconds.
  
• A killer whale acting like a killer whale (save for the act of eating its prey).
• Gingerbread Tie-Fighter.
• Google Video of a limber octopus.
• Awesome architecture, installment one: hotcakes housing project.

Labels: bestiality, gluttony, link goodness, perversion, pop culture, science, unemployment

• Paparazzi shots of Britney's cash and prizes (very un-work safe). Five years ago this link might have melted my face, but now her nether regions are about as interesting to me as an introductory to statistics college course. Bonus: C-Section scars!
  
• Wikipedia for Encierro.
• Snow reports for local ski areas. With an intense Arctic storm moving in, ski areas could be getting upwards of two feet of snow and I could be spending the next couple of days on the slopes reveling in soft, champagne powder while you jerks are stuck in a cubicle at work.
• Selections from the notebooks of Max Roosevelt, 15-year-old socialist.
• Big local news (so big in fact, they interrupted an episode of Judge Joe Brown for the press conference yesterday): Jake Plummer gets benched and Jay Cutler will start as the Broncos quarterback on Sunday. I am officially nicknaming Cutler "The Paperboy" because he bears striking resemblance to a chubby neighborhood kid that slings the daily news and not because he looks like the one-hit rap wonder of the early 90s.
  
• Wikipedia for GG Allin. Specifically, the "Death" heading.

Labels: colorado, history, link goodness, music, pop culture, snow, sports, unemployment, vajayjay

• Wikipedia for Halloween.
• Halloween costumes for sluts. My personal favorites: Teacher's Pet, Alice In Wonderland, Whore Ballerina, Herpes Care Bear and Bondage Whip Cat Woman. Disturbing items: Homo-erotic Roman Warrior costume and the sexy plus-size costume section (note the complete lack of realistic models that could adorn the "three-man tent tarp" size). A note to sexy costume manufacturers everywhere: Your plus-size section should consist of one costume; a king-size white sheet with eye holes cut out labeled "Sexy Ghost That Eats Too Much."
• Anna Nicole Smith is facing the possibility of exhuming her son's dead body.
• Wikipedia for Samhain (the festival, not the bag of assholes band Glenn Danzig fronted after the dissolution of the Misfits).
• Outsiders soliloquy performed by a talentless hack for the now dead Stanley Kubrick.

Labels: death, halloween, link goodness, movies, music, pop culture, whores

• The sex trade is booming in post-Katrina New Orleans.
• Face tattoos are the mark of the unstable, drug addicts, idiots or criminals that have nothing good to offer society. I present you Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
• Patricia Arquette spilling out of her dress.
• Wikipedia for the Battle of the Trebia, the first major battle of the Second Punic War.
• A teacher who worked in the public school system for two decades after she was caught kissing and groping a 13 year-old student at an middle school dance, became pregnant by a sophomore in high school who she married upon his graduation in 1985 and invited her teenage son's 15 year-old friend to move in with her and then seduced him.
• Map of US Fatalities in Iraq (by home of record) as of October 2006.

Labels: america, crime, history, link goodness, sex, tattoos, unemployment, war

My third week of unemployment will include two web design job interviews; one in the heart of downtown Denver which is a block off the 16th Street Mall and the city's main bus depot (I'm all about the public transportation) and one a few blocks away from Govnr's Park which has amazing happy hour beers and a Slider Basket that would make Wimpy cry (the Won Ton Juans are equally as glorious). Keep your fingers crossed that one of these interviews will pan out before my severance runs dry and we will be subsisting only on a meager public school teacher's income. The wife has yet to wear tattered clothing and babble incomprehensible phrases while standing over a barrel fire, but I can assure you that that time is nigh, my friends. Onto an unemployed artist's browser history:

• An anti-NCAA Hazing website where images of basketball chicks wearing blindfolds and sombreros while drinking from a beer bong and snorting things off the floor live.
• Nate Dogg makes a Wolverine costume for Halloween. Hijinks and homoerotic posing ensue.
• The unluckiest man alive.
• Wedding cake in the form of the Great A'Tuin.
• A guy who loves his Starbucks a little too much.
• Jimmy Dean chocolate chip pancakes and sausage; on a stick. I just threw up in my mouth a little.
• Colorado Avalanche season preview.

Labels: career, comics, drinking, food, geekery, hockey, link goodness, sports, unemployment, wife

• Punter stabbed by back-up punter.
• Wikipedia for Bauhaus.
• YouTube of Rachel Bilson as Wonder Woman.
• T-ball coach offers one of his players $25 to bean an autistic kid.
• YouTube of a hot girl on LSD.
• Dwarf planet that caused Pluto's downgrade named Eris after the Greek goddess of discord.
• Jessica Biel: Kissing chicks with her meaty tongue.
• Google results for "stabbing someone in the back of the head."

Labels: art, link goodness, pop culture, science, sports, tomfoolery, unemployment

• Tobacco companies have been increasing nicotine in cigarette brands popular with high school kids and minorities for the past decade. For those power smokers out there wanting that big nicotine fix, The MB suggests you start puffing away on Marlboros, Dorals or Kools.
• Twenty things you didn't know about death.
• A confession forum for Christians addicted to porn. Good times.

Labels: death, link goodness, religion

As told in perceived, first person inner-monologue:

• "You bastards ain't gonna be stealin' my bait no more."
• "This rum sure lowers my inhibitions."
• "I don't understand why my ass hurts and burns some mornings."

Labels: link goodness

• A comprehensive explanation of the sport cricket. In St. Lucia the wife and I encountered some cricket grounds while driving through the countryside. Our guides informed us that while cricket is not a big game on the island, a brand new stadium, Beausejour Ground, was built on the outskirts of Rodney Bay and will host matches of the ICC Cricket World Cup 2007.
  
• Existential Garfield comics. This depressing storyline originally ran the week of October 23, 1989 as a lead up to Halloween. Garfield awakens in the future when the house is abandoned and he no longer exists. Some theorize that the end of this storyline implies that the rest of the "conventional" strips are just fantasies Garfield plays out in his head to delude himself from realizing that he is starving to death in an abandoned house. Here I thought that Garfield was just a shallow husk of commercialism that yielded film abominations staring Jennifer Love Hewitt and plush orange stuffed animals.
  
• Claire Hoffman, staff writer for the LA Times, spends some time with Joe Francis, founder of the Girls Gone Wild empire. Hijinks ensue.

Labels: comics, link goodness, perversion, pop culture, st.lucia, wife

I apologize for my neglect of the MB lately as work has kept me busier than your mom after inhaling Poppers at an anal sex convention. I have been catching up after three weeks of ruining my life and the subsequent celebration of ruining my life in a third world country. On with today's link goodness:

• Graphic representation in the form of nationalistic coffins of the mounting death toll in the Israel-Lebanon conflict (updated daily).
• An open letter to a mental case into mini-fridges.
• A Japanese game show that gives contestants a little "How's Your Father" for incorrect answers.

Labels: death, drugs, link goodness, open letter, perversion, war

• Future Garfield strips if Garfield aged at the normal feline rate.
• Bo Jackson runs wild in a game of Super Tecmo Bowl. My Dad would say that Bo did this in real life every time he played against the Denver Broncos and then he would call Bo a "bag of shit."
• Watch this video and then ask how far you would go for some free porn.

Labels: comics, geekery, link goodness, perversion, porn, sports

• Another hot teacher bangs one of her idiot students. I am bitter about the complete lack of hot teachers in my academic career. Would it have been too much to ask to have a former Miss Texas teaching Spanish at my high school? I would have gone to class just to ogle teacher's firm breasts and taut runners legs, especially if there was a slim chance of scoring.
• Comic book dork extraordinaire makes a Thing costume. It is called pussy, dude. Look into getting some.
• Look who is number one for girls humping fleece sweatshirts on Ask.com.

Labels: comics, link goodness, perversion

Summer is nearly upon us and that means I will be fielding middle of the day phone calls at work from the future wife and listening to her describe her naps by the pool in vivid detail. The future wife is a teacher and has her summers off. Damn her. Onward to Alice Cooper's School's Out link goodness:

• A special Special Education teacher.
• "Let's have a feel of that ass. Mmmmm. That's nice. Now go outside and fetch me some Happy Teacher Water."
• Bottled ketchup: public school's newest menace.

Labels: drinking, link goodness, perversion, summer, wife

• This is your brain on drugs.
• 24 beers a day for 8 years.
• According to a new theory, modern humans are descendants of inbred chimpanzees. This makes what I see on Cops make much more sense.

Labels: drinking, drugs, link goodness, science

• Google Maps illustrates what happens to coastal areas when the ocean levels rise.
• A suit of plastic babies.
• Regarding this link; I think my Dad said it best after I burned my hand on the stove: "You have no one to blame but yourself."

Labels: link goodness, science, sports

• Hell Pizza is a chain of pizza joints in New Zealand. The specialty pizzas are named after the seven deadly sins and a coffin tears away from the box for your "remains."
• The Cookie Monster searches deep within himself and asks: Is me really monster?
• Ninjutsu Grand Master Masaaki Hatsumi: "Always be able to kill your students."

Labels: food, killing, link goodness, ninjas, pop culture, tomfoolery

• Meth addict attempts suicide via nail gun. Hijinks ensue.
• A photo journey through the post-nuclear wasteland of the former Soviet Union. Inspired by the twenty-year anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster.
• In my life, I have found there to be only one indisputable truth: Journey's Escape is the equivalent of musical panty remover.

Labels: cold war, drugs, history, link goodness, music, panties

• Subversive Easter uses for the over-sugared marshmallow confection commonly known as Peeps: The crucifixion and coverings for your naughty bits.
• Mall Easter Bunny throws a rabbit punch.
• A map of the United States that breaks down religion by state and county. Individual religious maps can be viewed here.

Labels: easter, link goodness, religion, tomfoolery

• Eunuch tales. Nothing wakes you up on a Monday morning like the visualization of getting your coin purse lopped off with a Burdizzo.
• Impoverished children in Pakistan ride a ferris wheel made of trash.
  
• How Awesome Will It Be? Pretty fucking awesome, Susie! Unless a demon feasts on your entrails before Jesus makes it down for his second tour that is.

Labels: link goodness, poverty, religion

• Take that, you cocksucking creationists.
  
• The reason the Duke Lacrosse season was suspended indefinitely. It is one thing to call strippers bitches and threaten to skin them; but if you do these things while "cumming in your Duke issue spandex" then you have crossed the line.
  
• Seven famous songs with factual or logical mistakes in the lyrics.

Labels: link goodness, music, science, sports

• Quote of the day: "She had such a great smile, back when she had teeth."
  
• Video of a break dancing hand.
  
• A sculpture dedicated to The Birth of Britney Spears's son, Sean Preston. The installation is said to be an idealized portrayal of Britney in delivery with a distended belly, lactating breasts and a posterior view that depicts widened hips and reveals the crowning of the child's head. According to the artist's interpretation, Britney gave birth on all fours (which is fitting, I suppose, because I am guessing that is how she conceived) stroking a bear (wolf?) head. Are bears (wolves?) symbolic of fertility and childbirth? If so, I am going to start rethinking some things.
  
• I am using a hockey analogy for this link. Every team has a collection of diverse players with specific skills; a select few are pure goal scorers and play makers, others are defensive specialists, muckers, grinders, etc. The point is a good hockey player knows their role and is happy to contribute. You are nothing more to the human team than talking boobs, Jessica Alba. The sooner you accept and embrace that, the better off we will all be.

Labels: boobs, drugs, hockey, link goodness, pop culture, sports

• This is what happens when atypical fat Goth chicks have no talent for writing poetry in a cemetery.
• A burglar avoids a prison term until he can regain control of his manhood. (The condition known as Priapism (or "the perpetual erection") was named for the Greek god Priapus, who was the protector of livestock, fruit plants, gardens and male genitalia and subsequently hung like a moose).
• Well done, ladies; but no matter how high you jump and how far you can pull and spread those young, taut bodies, my bracket tells me that you are getting smoked like a Parliament in the second round by Wichita State.

Labels: crime, link goodness, perversion, sports

• I do not have a problem with women who breast feed their children in public; unless they are offering the tit to an eight year old.
• At long last, the trailer trash prophecy has been fulfilled.
• Quote of the day: "I probably do need some help, but I do not know if this is the time or place for it."

Labels: link goodness, perversion, pop culture

• When hitting skins in the garage be sure to turn the car off.
• A criminal considered too psychotic for execution. Are you kidding me? Jackballs goes on a rampage, kills a baker's dozen and we are respecting his inability to rationally comprehend the death sentence? Throw a peach cobbler in the gas chamber, tell him it is a magic room that is protected by Jesus, slam the door and have him rationally comprehend his lungs ingesting noxious fumes until they fail.
• Jessica Alba should be getting sued for harboring the delusion that she has anything more to offer this world than her fun bags.
  
• I do not know if I can wait a decade for this.

Labels: boobs, crime, link goodness, pop culture, sex

• Bestiality is now illegal in Washington inspired by a pervert that was thankfully removed from the human gene pool by a giant horse cock.
• Skyscraper escape pods inspired by the the victims that plummeted to their deaths from the burning floors of the World Trade Center.
• A marriage contract inspired by a personality disorder.
• A passion for wrestling not inspired by a ruptured testicle.

Labels: bestiality, death, history, link goodness, perversion, tomfoolery

• The rise and fall of an Indian reservation drug dealer. Jake digs the bear claw tattoos prominently displayed on homegirl's sweater puppies. He would. The guy does shit like this on the weekends.
• A dissertation on the NBA logo. The article argues whether the logo should be redesigned to reflect the current culture of the league or remain the way it is. I say redesign the logo to something that is indicative of the modern NBA; a tattooed kid with cornrows that cannot play defense and has no outside shot but can dunk like a hungry police officer at a coffee shop.
• Good to hear that Hank has not lost his edge.
• Tanith Belbin has made me a fan of Olympic ice dancing. There. I said it.

Labels: drugs, jake, link goodness, music, sports, tattoos

• A minor league hockey promotion that is much better than mixed gender, on-ice dodge ball: the man with the hairiest back.
  
• Wikipedia for the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
  
• Tom's unholy seed no longer needs its host body upon entering the world, therefore, the host's usefulness is no more.

Labels: crime, link goodness, murder, pop culture, sports, tomfoolery, valentines day

• Quote of the day: "You ain't the only one with a Glock."
  
• Aw, Scotty. You are making it too easy for me, man.
  
• Weather conditions from the Axis of Evil.

Labels: link goodness, politics, pop culture, sports

• Bea Arthur wrestles a Velocoraptor.
• Man impregnates teenager. Man marries impregnated teenager. Man goes to court in NASCAR tie (click on image). Man goes to jail. Moral of the story: If you impregnate an underage girl, do not wear a NASCAR tie to court.
• A low-speed internet connection can be frustrating, but whatever happened to running down to the Circle K and picking up a pack of smokes and a Penthouse Forum?

Labels: link goodness, perversion, pop culture, porn, tomfoolery

• Irony, party of one.
• Someone with property in the Colorado high country please help these girls out. They are looking for a place to crash over spring break holiday and appear to be responsible enough.
• This was sent to me today. Take a guess which heading(s) apply to me.

Labels: colorado, link goodness, politics

• Stress balls keep you out of trouble. Condoms stuffed with flour do not.
• A little league soccer team and partner-swapping swingers share a hotel. Hijinks ensue.
• This brand of intimidation only works if you can take a punch.

Labels: fighting, link goodness, sports, tomfoolery

• "The Taser is relatively accurate, but when someone is moving like that, it does not matter if you have a Taser or a pistol."
• Doll houses plus glued vacuum cleaner lint equals art.
• The Black Cocks (that is the New Zealand National Badminton Team to you) is considering changing their name to something less strong. Pussies.

Labels: art, link goodness, sports, tomfoolery

• A woman is still planning to marry the man who shot her in the crotch and held her hostage in his family's garage for six days. That is what I call the definition of stupidity, er, unconditional love.
• One mayoral candidate on how to motivate homeless people to do constructive work in the city: crack cocaine.
• Taking my personal demons out to lunch at the Olive Garden.

Labels: drugs, link goodness, tomfoolery

• Thailand is portraying imagery of bad teeth, tumors and death instead of verbal cues as warnings on cigarette packs.
• "Cool Mom" Silvia Johnson (reacquaint yourself with the saga here and here) is moving to scenic Canon City, Colorado for the next 30 years. With that haircut I think she'll fit right in.
• I did not know it was so easy to get Mormons to jump from moving cars. Any Latter Day Saints out there need a ride? (In all honesty, we probably would not make it to backing out of the driveway).

Labels: bad parents, colorado, death, link goodness, mormons, perversion, silvia johnson

• Two Carolina Panther cheerleaders (in town for the game versus the Buccaneers) smack pelts inside a bathroom stall at a bar called Banana Joe's. Hijinks ensue.
• A high school teacher is the second Florida woman in two days accused of having a lesbian relationship with a student.

Labels: carolina panther cheerleaders, lesbians, link goodness

• A chart of reported suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge.
• Fucking dirtyhippies.
• The trebuchet was a siege weapon that was primarily used to fire plague-ridden corpses and other missiles over castle walls. It was not intended for college students looking for kicks on a Friday night.

Labels: death, disease, link goodness, stupidity, suicide, tomfoolery

• A frightening haunted house. Frightening not because of superb effects and realistic horror scenarios but because it is operated by a registered sex offender.
• A classic Halloween prank goes awry in trailer park. The world is shocked.
  
• Wikipedia for the man who killed Halloween. Thanks to this prick and the paranoia he caused, I did not have a Snickers bar until I was in junior high. My dad would "check" all of my candy post trick-or-treating and deem it safe for consumption. He would take all the Snickers bars out of my bag and say things like, "This one is no good, son. It is poisoned" or "You cannot eat this one. It looks like someone tampered with it." These "tainted" candy bars then found their way into my Dad's secret candy stash for him to enjoy periodically through out the year. Fuck you, Candyman.
  

Labels: death, halloween, link goodness, perversion, tomfoolery

• Doctor Doom for homecoming king.
• This poor girl has a doppelganger starring in porn movies that even made her parents question her social habits. Luckily, my online dopplegaenger only plays the drums in a hardcore metal band and I do not ever get mistaken for him.
• Bill Romanowski protects his mythical fortress of solitude from a black stallion with a magical orange maine.
• Model railroading based in reality.

Labels: comics, dopplegaenger, link goodness, matt brozovich, sports

• Smurf village annihilated by warplanes. Enough said.
• A registered sex offender is arrested wearing only a loin cloth fashioned from lawn furniture and covered in either fecal matter or tomato paste.
• An interview with Stephen Baldwin regarding his "hardcore" relationship with the almighty.

Labels: comics, link goodness, perversion, pop culture, tomfoolery

• The Philadelphia Flyers Have a Time Machine: Installment Five. I would also like to add the obligatory "Fuck the Flyers" for any hockey fans (Jake, Gary) who may harbor the delusion that I cheer for that asshole organization that took Foppa away.
• Pierce Brosnan requests that James Bond sex scenes be more explicit. I think he sums it up best: "What Bond needs is a good, palpable killing sequence and a good sex scene." I can get behind that, Mr. Brosnan.
• Jason Sehorn should be beaten with a sock full of quarters. Seriously. Marc Bulger over Tom Brady? The only thing that guy ever did right was landing this.

Labels: hockey, jake, link goodness, perez, pop culture, sports

• For those who want to go John Conner ala Terminator 3 and live off the grid, here is a step-by-step guide on how to disappear in America without a trace.
• Horror stories from the piercing industry. Be sure to have fully digested your lunch.
• I can now say that I have seen a tiger and a lion getting it on.
• Satire meets reality. The former link is my second favorite Onion article next to this.

Labels: link goodness, pop culture, science, tomfoolery

• A recipe for backcountry disaster: sleep deprivation, painkillers, alcohol, an abscessed tooth and moonlight four-wheeling.
• This weekend there was a brawl at the Olive Garden that is within walking distance from of house.
• The Denver Broncos were the only NFL team to go undefeated in the 2005 Pre-Season which led to fans throwing around terms like "Solid all around" and "Championship contenders" before the season started. Enter this past Sunday. Now fans are throwing around terms like "It was too hot" and "It is just one game." Getting beat by the Kicking Mule and last year's NFL doormat is no way to start the season.

Labels: colorado, fighting, link goodness, sports

• Carrot Top is shredded. Regardless if he is cut out of wood or not, he is still a closeted homosexual. He is wearing scary man mascara, for the love of baby Jesus.
• An Australian model could face a maximum of 15 years in an Indonesian prison for being caught with ecstasy. Based on her picture, I would pay to see her in an Indonesian prison reality show. The program may only air for two hourlong episodes but it would be the best thing to happen to television since the moon landing.
• After overhearing a conversation in the company break room, I thought a filmmaker had finally captured my dream on celluloid: a menage-a-trois sex scene involving bacon. I was disappointed upon learning that it was a menage-a-trois sex scene involving Kevin Bacon and another man. One dick in the room is one dick too many.

Labels: bacon, crime, drugs, gay, link goodness, pop culture, sex

• Indisputable proof that porn cannot be stopped. Resistance is futile.
• Exposed genitalia will make its long awaited debut in Japanese cinema later this month. It saddens me to think that generations of Japanese adolescents missed out on full frontal nudity in R-rated films. I do not know where I would be today without Porky's and Revenge of the Nerds. Maybe into church or doing missionary work in third world countries. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it.
• Jenna Jameson has a community outraged over her takeover of a local strip club. Said one area resident opposed to the purchase: "Maybe when she finds out what a bunch of rabid nutcases she has living in the area she will just go away." Jenna Jameson is in the porn industry and used to working with rabid nutcases. Being as said rabid nutcases are usually going down on her, things are about to get interesting in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Labels: link goodness, porn

• A man annoyed by an incessant car alarm unloads a pistol into the offending automobile to silence said alarm and gets arrested? He should be getting a medal for outstanding community service.
• Posh Spice has admitted to never reading a book. I am sure you are all as shocked as me.
• How to maintain a cordial relationship with your neighbor dying of cancer: Paint "Die You Miserable Bitch" on the side of your house.

Labels: link goodness, pop culture, tomfoolery

• 1000 years of power, chain mail armor and a broadsword apparently are not enough to combat a tazer.
• Quote of the day: "A waitress is no longer allowed to wander around a beer garden with a plunging neckline. I would not want to enter a beer garden under these conditions."
• Tommy Lee is glad he chose alcohol over Pamela Anderson. Quote of the day number two: "I did not want to give up drinking because I believe I can have moderation in my life." Wise words from a man who once overdosed on heroin and shot up with Jack Daniels.

Labels: boobs, crazy, drinking, link goodness, pop culture

Links Jake would have sent me this morning if he was not unplugged in Boston:

• Diseased monkeys threaten San Juan, Puerto Rico.
• A cockfight grenade attack.
• Pig tattooing.

Labels: death, jake, link goodness, monkeys, tattoos

• Nothing good comes from patronizing a strip club in the middle of the day (except maybe $60 dollar hand release from a broke single mom who sees your cock as a means to an end). If you do not believe me in this matter click here.
• This is why I taught my sisters how to spit out the window of a moving car.
• I get crazy competitive on the putt-putt course. I will talk tremendous amounts of smack, gloat over good shots and try to humiliate my opponent with superior putting. Thankfully, I draw the line at body-slamming children.

Labels: link goodness, sports, strippers

• To say the Japanese are not fanatical about young girls underwear would be like saying the Nazis did not hate the Jews. Case and point: intricate fiberglass carved panties.
• Bolivian wrestling. Or Lucha Libre if you prefer.
• Ben Saunders: Athlete, adventurer, motivational speaker and attempting to make an 1800 mile trek across Antarctica with no dogs, vehicles, kites or re-suppling. There is a reason that man-hauling across the Antarctic continent has only been tried once in 93 years, it is called Robert Scott.

Labels: history, link goodness, panties, sports

• Red Scare comic book propaganda from the 1960s. Especially enjoyable is the letter from J. Edgar Hoover to the kids.
• A man sues for the right to be drunk on private property.
• Pro Skateboarder Danny Way jumps across the Great Wall Of China becoming the first person to clear the wall without motorized aid.

Labels: cold war, comics, drinking, link goodness, sports

• A mother has sold her face and dignity for a tattoo advertisement. She says the money will go to her son's education because he is falling behind in school. If the kid inherited his mom's brains then I can understand why he is falling behind in school.
• Takeru Kobayashi has won his fifth consecutive hot-dog eating title retaining the coveted Mustard Yellow International Belt.
• Stella's "groove" consisted of a scheming homosexual, embezzlement and duplicity.

Labels: gluttony, link goodness, pop culture, stupidity, tattoos

• I was always under the impression that the worst mistake in the human race was Courtney Love. According to author Jared Diamond, it is the adoption of agriculture.
  
• Fishermen in northern Thailand have caught the biggest catfish on record; a 646-pound monster. This story would have been more amazing if they noodled the son of a bitch.
• A man was discovered in a tank under a women's toilet filled with human waste peeping up at the girls doing their business. That is what I call a serious commitment to your wank.

Labels: books, link goodness, perversion, science

• An image bank of celebrities playing table tennis. My personal favorite is Mr. Ed wielding the paddle.
• It is raining men. Hallelujah.
  
• If you gave someone crabs and need to let them know send an eCard. There is nothing like getting notified via email that you have gonorrhea. My favorite feature is the ability to send one card to multiple addresses (a.k.a. the "slut blast"). I am tempted to send an email to my entire contact list informing them that I gave them herpes and signing it Ron Mexico.

Labels: death, link goodness, pop culture, sex

• All you ever wanted to know about Trucker Bombs (with helpful imagery of assorted gallon containers brimming with piss).
• A high school baseball coach resigns after whipping out his cock and asking his players if they had one. I side with the coach on this one as his lesson would have been far less memorable without the visual aid.
• Woodward's story on how Mark Felt became Deep Throat and the reactions of various figures of Nixon's White House.

Labels: link goodness, politics, sports, tomfoolery

• The bungee fuck swing.
• McSweeneys: Christmas Day with my new girlfriend's family as a circa-1982 text-based computer adventure game.
• Car loving taken to another level.

Labels: link goodness, sex, tomfoolery

• A man opposed to the dumping of raw sewage into the Pacific Ocean protests dressed as a giant shit known as Mr. Floatie.
• The Miss Tiffany Universe pageant is like all other beauty pageants save one minor detail; the contestants are packing heat.
• An email exchange between a dwarf and a bloated movie critic.

Labels: link goodness, perversion, poop, pop culture

• A funeral procession led by the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
• A car crashes into the second story of a house.
• Longtime reader and friend of the MB got a haircut over the weekend in preparation for the upcoming Trixter concert.

Labels: death, link goodness, music, pop culture

• A slide show on two penguins that had to pass through airport security.
• A case study on what happens when one has too much disposable income.
• John Daly at the practice range enjoying a non-filtered Camel mid-swing.

Labels: link goodness, sports, tomfoolery

• Architectural projects for the Soviet Union (circa 1930-1950) that were never realized. My personal favorites: The Palace of Soviets and The Aeroflot Building.
• Carmen Electra's Advanced Aerobic Striptease.
  
• The ten biggest threats to Earth and life as we know it. I am hoping humanity does not get wiped out by a viral pandemic (too boring) or terrorists (too cliche). If anything, I am pulling for a super volcano to rain down ash and fire on us or for hyper-intelligent robots to turn our planet into a goddamn apocalyptic nuclear wasteland like in The Terminator.
• The Philadelphia Flyers Have a Time Machine: Installment Four.

Labels: death, hockey, link goodness, pop culture, science, sex, sports

• A chimpanzee in a South African zoo has taken up smoking.
• Liberian soldiers wear wigs and womens' clothing believing it will protect them in battle.
• The DEA has released the 2005 Drugs of Abuse handbook. Especially enjoyable are the chapters on Hallucinogens (8) and Inhalants (9).

Labels: drugs, link goodness, monkeys, tomfoolery, war

• Japanese girls bitch slapping each other.
• Noodling: catching a catfish with your bare hands.
• The luminous toilet seat.

Labels: fighting, link goodness, sports

• An angry, sexually frustrated chimpanzee in a Chinese zoo has taken to smoking cigarettes and spitting on people.
• A very intoxicated man and his friend drive home from the bar. The very intoxicated man smashes into a telephone pole and decapitates his friend. The very intoxicated man drives home twelve miles with a headless corpse in the passenger seat, parks the truck in the driveway and passes out in blood soaked clothing. (Disturbing aside: Four people sent me this link today).
• Crazy tirades from the imprisoned Bobby Fischer the former American former world chess champion.

Labels: crazy, death, drinking, link goodness, monkeys, pop culture

• Kids in the Denver metro area will be braving a cold Halloween night. I will refuse candy to a child if I see their parents dropping them off in a car. If these spoiled punks want sugar, they better be out in the elements with a pillowcase risking hypothermia, pneumonia and frostbite. I want kids half frozen at my front door with teeth chattering. Then and only then will I give them two mini-Reese's Peanut Butter Sticks.
• A Cheers for serial killers. Ted Bundy, one of the Hillside Stranglers and John Allen Muhammad have all spent nights at the draining cold ones.
• Jam Master Jay was gunned down at his recording studio in Queens yesterday. Rest in Peace Jam Master Jay; the turntables might wobble but they won't fall down.

Labels: death, denver, drinking, halloween, link goodness, music, pop culture, serial killers