I was saddened to learn today that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer and may not have much time left. Damn. Some of my favorite films include the be-mulleted Mr. Swayze. Whether he was waging a guerrilla war versus the Soviets in Red Dawn, kicking some drunk redneck ass in Road House, robbing banks and surfing the edge in Point Break or pulling Baby out of her corner in Dirty Dancing, Patrick Swayze taught a generation American boys how to be men. So, in order to honor his struggle to beat cancer, I have created some Save Swayze gear. Fuck you, Patrick Swayze's pancreatic cancer.

Update: Upon the creation of my Save Swayze gear, Cafe Press immediately flagged and took down the shop items due to a violation of their content usage policy. My infraction of Cafe Press's content usage policy makes even more sense after viewing nearly 30,000 Barack Obama illustrative likeness designs. In short, Cafe Press sucks.

Labels: disease, movies, pop culture

• A multi-tasking rapist. I think rape etiquette should tell you to set a cell phone on 'Airplane Mode' or at least leave it in the getaway car.
  
• A mutant skin disease from the Eastern bloc. I usually pride myself on sniffing out photo manipulation of any sort and this seems to be legit. The only red flag is Wikipedia not having an entry for Lewandowsky-Lutz Dysplasia.
• Her boobs, her boobs, her boobs are okay. Her sweater puppies are beyond okay; they are fantastic.

Labels: boobs, disease, rape

Presidential diseases and ailments. It appears Jimmy Carter had the least health problems out of the bunch, whereas William Howard Taft was a walking time bomb.

Labels: disease, politics

An eating disorder expert was caught doing whippits at a local supermarket. Two things bother me about this:

1. A 49 year-old woman is doing whippits at a local supermarket. She is 49 years old for the balls of Jesus. She can afford to do better than a cheap inhalant high at the grocery store. Have some respect for yourself and get hopped up on goofballs or drink a bottle of cheap vodka like McCormicks.
2. How does one become an eating disorder expert? Is there an accreditation process? Do you have to spend a month with Lara Flynn Boyle to become qualified?

Labels: disease, drugs

Sixty pound tumors, beating down old ladies with raw lumber and attacking Jesus statues with axes.

Labels: disease, random, xmas

Life expectancy is dropping in Africa thanks to the AIDS. In Zambia, 17% of the population has the virus and a child born between 2000 and 2005 can expect to live just 32.4 years. Damn. We need some altruistic condom company to bring relief via free prophylactics. The time is nigh to rubber up on the Dark Continent.

Labels: death, disease