Nice work, Johnny Trombones. However, you are only true of heart if you owned The Final Countdown on vinyl. Or obnoxiously sing "Carrie" to every woman you know with the same handle twenty five years after the fact. For the former members of my design team, here is your point of reference. May I remind you that in 1986 a man could be pretty and awesome at the same time.

Labels: music, nostalgia, pop culture

At the entrance to Denver International Airport (DIA), a lone sculpture stands amidst the backdrop of high prairie and the distant Rocky Mountain front range; Mesteno (or as I like to call it, Demon Horse). The sculpture is a polarizing fixture as its bright red eyes eerily glow out over Pena Boulevard (at dawn or dusk, the effect is particularly creepy) and most Coloradans despise the sight of it. I like the sculpture and enjoy the satanic evilness of it. Besides, how could I openly bash a sculpture that killed its own creator? I do not taunt Demon Horse. For he may come alive with the magical powers of hellfire and gallop across the prarie to claim my soul. Or, at the very least, just fall on top of me and sever one of my arteries.

Labels: art, colorado, death, denver, evil

As the liberal bumper stickers affixed to assorted Subaru Outback station wagons and Hybrid SUVs have reminded me ("1/19/2009! Let's pull bong hits!"), today will be George W. Bush's last day in office. Tomorrow, Barack Hussein Obama will be sworn in as the 44 president of the United States and be the first black man to attain the highest office in the land. I am/was no fan of Bush and I tend to sway right with my vote. His rule seemed reactionary rather than proactive and he and his administration ruined just about everything they came in contact with. Granted, his presidency was not as easy as Bill Clinton's (A sex scandal and the dot com bubble. Anything else?), but many of his problems were self-induced. Terrible circumstances either makes for great leaders or break weak ones. Will history be kind to George W. Bush? Probably not. I am guessing he will go down as one of the worst presidents in history (move over Warren G. Harding!) a ranking that he has undoubtedly earned. Obama inherits two wars, a flopping economy and a national identity on the brink of oblivion. Good luck, Mr.Obama. May you be the savior your supporters are touting you as. Especially since your success will help me move some of that Obama Jesus gear on Cafe Press.

Labels: america, history, politics

Winning the lottery is sometimes the worst thing to happen to people. Take Kiddie Touchin' McGee, for example. Despite claims he will donate a portion of his winnings to assorted sexual abuse charities, people are still beating him down with lead pipes and cola bottles. That is what I call some sound mob justice. Rotten.com has an excellent page on people whose lives were destroyed by winning the lottery and provides a guide on what to do if one were to win the lottery. The first rule about winning the lottery is you do not talk about winning the lottery.

Labels: crime, pop culture, sex

The aftermath of the nature's windy wrath has been rife with insurance adjusters, fence contractors, gutter repairmen and one unemployed handyman that was canvasing our neighborhood door-to-door who claimed he could reset our fence posts for "next to nothing" (I quickly learned that "next to nothing" in unemployed handyman talk comes out to be roughly $750). The insurance adjuster stopped by on Saturday morning to assess our property damage and surprisingly turned out to be a genial individual with a soul. Not only did he agree to our damage assessment to the house and fence, he gave us money to replace our hammock that looks more beat up than Tara Reid's midsection and some roof shingles that may or may not have been ruined via the storm. Minus our $1,000 deductible, insurance will cover nearly 100% of our property damage which was far more than we expected. This week I will be supervising gutter and fence contractors hammer away on the homestead in the chilly January air from the office window while I drink coffee in the warmth.

Labels: colorado, l-i-v-i-n, the greens, wind

Jake: The ShamWow guy sues Scientology.
Me: I am debating the purchase of ShamWows.
Jake: Ha! Check this one out. "You are gonna love my nuts."
Me: He is right, that tuna does look boring. "If I can do it with one finger, you can do it with one hand."
Jake: The guy is a genius.
Me: Indeed.
Jake: He is like a sideshow magician, throwing around some Three-Card Monte.
Me: You are getting the Slap Chop for your birthday.
Jake: Excellent.

Labels: im convos, jake, pop culture, religion, tomfoolery