• Click here to see the reason why I am hooked on A&E's Intervention (pun intended). Naked meth whore's journals are eerily reminiscent of a former coworker of mine who was rumored to be on the pipe. She used to sketch magical spirals and write "NO" repeatedly in her notebooks during board meetings.
• Michael Jackson may be losing the Happy Pedophile Ranch due to some back taxes.
• The Colorado Avalanche made some big moves before the trading deadline netting them Peter Forsberg, Adam Foote and Ruslan Salei. In other 1999 news, American Beauty wins the Oscar for Best Picture and folks are starting to get serious about this Y2K thing.

Labels: colorado, drugs, hockey, link goodness, pop culture, sports

You may recall my web alter egos Matt Brozovich, drummer for Pittsburgh's speed metal outfit Scorn Of Earth and Matt Brozovich, the little league fireballer hailing from Channahon, Illinois. Today I learned that I have yet another web alter ego, Matt Brozovich, the competitive body builder with alarming hair and an even more alarming physique. While I advised my youngest doppelgaenger coming up through the baseball ranks to stay off the junk, sadly, I think my newest doppelgaenger has a penchant for injecting himself with steroids and assorted testosterones from the animal kingdom. Regardless, I wish bodybuilding Matt Brozovich nothing but success with the weights and the competing. The time may be nigh to start the Matt Brozovich Internet Society.

Labels: dopplegaenger, matt brozovich

There is nothing I can say about Lesbian Turkish Oil Wrestling except its arrival to the scene was long overdue. Jake, Gay Joe and myself discovered the national Turkish all-male sport back in the Data Slaughterhouse days which yielded many discussions and one inappropriate IM buddy icon that Joey rocked for two solid years thanks to a useless human resource department and a devil may care attitude. I am proud that the Turkish Oil Wrestling organization finally acknowledged the Women's Movement and decided to let oiled-up dykes grapple with each other in the Turkish tradition. It looks like Daddy just found a new show to record on the HD DVR.

Labels: data slaughterhouse, jake, lesbians, tomfoolery, turkish oil wrestling

• Kate Beckinsale. Meow. I have been a fan ever since she started fighting werewolves and vampires in a tight, black jumpsuit and bustier.
• Lindsay Lohan. Doing the Marilyn thing (NSFW). Whatever. Everyone has seen her cash and prizes (NSFW) before, so getting an unobstructed view of her bare chest is not all that exciting. Regardless, the pictures are tastefully done and my maleness caused me to pause and acknowledge her befreckled fun bags. It is still too difficult to tell if the carpet matches the drapes due to her clean, close shave.
  
• Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman. It is a strange moment when Natalie Portman becomes the grenade in any scenario, but she is standing next to Scarlett Johansson's tits. Those things are like attractive friend Kryptonite; their glory weakens any hotness within their immediate vicinity.

Labels: boobs, link goodness, pop culture

• Tips on managing Millennials (or as I like to call them "The Participation Ribbon Generation"). Not willing to make routine sacrifices, cannot handle criticism well and take things too seriously, you say? I am guessing it had something to do with an entire generation being raised with a sense of entitlement, hyper-sensitivity and not being allowed to fail. Guess we should have kept score at their Little League games after all.
• The perfect Valentine's Day gift: Afghani War Rugs! Now available in the new, delicious 9/11 Flavor!
• Roger Clemens throws his wife under the bus to protect what is left of his sterling professional baseball reputation. Well played, Mr. I Did Not Use HGH But My Bitch Wife Did.
  

Labels: 9/11, age, link goodness, sports, valentines day, war

The always timeless Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue hits newsstands this week and SI has posted a complimentary web directory so comprehensive that it nullifies the need for a printed magazine. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is responsible for me spending the better half of my formidable years tacking Kathy Ireland covers to my wall, enduring repeated viewings of Necessary Roughness and making Pee-Chee folder collages with shots of Elle McPherson and her snorkeling equipment. Back then, you could not find a sport associated with bikinis so it was nigh impossible to justify a pubescent grocery store checkout line purchase to your mother. But than this happened. And it is good.

Labels: boobs, swimsuit issue

• The unholy recipe experiments of Bacon Cereal and a Bacon Cheese Baconburger. Hijinks and artery clogging ensue.
• Canned bacon. For those that are too lazy to fry swine in a skillet.
• Comedian Jim Gaffigan on Bacon.
• Wikipedia for Francis Bacon.

Labels: bacon, food, link goodness

After two months of waiting/suffering, I finally got in to see the neurosurgeon to go over my MRI results. Why did it take two months, you ask? Welcome to the magical land of Kaiser Health Insurance. I was lucky that the technicians did not start throwing silverware and change near the magnetic field to see if something would stick during the scan. While the three weeks after my MRI in early December were brutal (my pain was easily a 9 out of 10), the beginning of January saw my body healing itself naturally. I was no longer popping anti-inflammatories like candy and I could actually get off the couch to participate in physical activities without being leveled for days afterwards. The neurosurgeon was a genial older woman with years of experience dealing with crippling injuries and miserable people. When going over my results, she said, "Wow. You do not do anything half way, do you?" She then called in another neurosurgeon to concur that my irritable L5 was one of the worst bulged discs she had ever seen. Luckily my back will require no surgery or painkillers going forward as my body has the super healing capabilities of Wolverine.

Labels: health, injury