• Paparazzi shots of Britney's cash and prizes (very un-work safe). Five years ago this link might have melted my face, but now her nether regions are about as interesting to me as an introductory to statistics college course. Bonus: C-Section scars! Whoopee!
• Wikipedia for Encierro.
• Snow reports for local ski areas. With an intense Arctic storm moving in, ski areas could be getting upwards of two feet of snow and I could be spending the next couple of days on the slopes reveling in soft, champagne powder while you jerks are stuck in a cubicle at work.
• Selections from the notebooks of Max Roosevelt, 15-year-old socialist.
• Big local news (so big in fact, they interrupted an episode of Judge Joe Brown for the press conference yesterday): Jake Plummer gets benched and Jay Cutler will start as the Broncos quarterback on Sunday. I'm officially nicknaming Cutler "The Paperboy" because he bears striking resemblance to a chubby neighborhood kid that slings the daily news and not because he looks like the one-hit rap wonder of the early 90s.
  
• Wikipedia for GG Allin. Read the "Death" heading. Good times.

Labels: link goodness, unemployment

The wife and I celebrated our annual Thanksgiving tradition and ran in the Denver Turkey Trot this morning. The weather was beautiful and my legs and lungs felt good. My iPod crapped out on me during mile 3 and after numerous attempts to reboot the device, I am now faced with retiring the old girl for one of those new fangled jimmys. Soon we will be off to gorge on basted fowl and curse Jake Plummer as he fumble fucks around on the gridiron and causes our beloved Broncos lose two in a row to division rivals. Happy Thanksgiving.

Labels: health, l-i-v-i-n, thanksgiving, wife

The wife and I have been back and forth to the local Petco for all manner of kitty supplies over the past few days. After three trips to the same store, I have noticed that every employee appears to have a serious drug problem. Sunday we rolled in with our new pussy to get some Meow Mix and a litter box. Our cashier who reeked of cigarettes, wore a bad perm and had fewer teeth than a jack-o-lantern asked us for the inane details regarding our feline. Tuesday we patronize the store for a litter box scoop and a spray bottle (or "Instant Kitty Be Good" as I call it) and the same cashier waits on us and proceeds to ask us the same questions as if she has never seen us before. The topper was this afternoon when I took back a food dish. A cashier with a female golf coach haircut smelling of pot waited on me. She had to call the manager over to approve the return. When the manager arrives, I am frightened with her countenance as she looks more strung out than Andy Dick, has pockmarks all over her face and has not one tooth in her head. As I walk out to the parking lot a Petco employee is smoking cigarettes and pretending to be collecting carts. Good times, Westminster Petco. Good times.

Labels: kitty, l-i-v-i-n, wife

What is the most sensible thing one can do when they are unemployed? If you answered, "add another hungry mouth to the family" then you are correct. That is exactly what the wife and I did this weekend when we responded to a posting for 'free kittens' on Craigslist. It was all very Madonna-esque; we entered a foreign place with odd smells (in this case Thornton), we ogled over some unwanted babies and then we took off like criminals with a little bundle of joy before parents and the authorities got wise. As I post this, kitty is napping at my feet and purring like the dickens. To view photos of my new pussy dig on the Flickr.

Labels: kitty, l-i-v-i-n, wife

I just received a spam email that reads:

You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue. Our Soft Cialis Tabs can help you fulfill your dreams.

You know how to cut to the core of me, spam email. There is nothing I want more in life than to challenge some pool shark punk to a billiard contest, have them accept and then pull down my pants and run the table with my rigid erection. I would even chalk the tip before every shot just for effect.

Labels: stupidity

In the past two weeks, my former employer's chief technologist accepted a job offer in Boulder and three members of the senior sales staff resigned (I am still firmly entrenched in the data slaughterhouse gossip circle). I shared anger, pain, jokes, laughs and bourbon with all four of these individuals and am happy to see them make it over the wall. A message to all my people still trapped on the inside: The owl hoots at night. The fat man is dancing with the briefcase. The circle is red. The bell tolls for thee. Vive la Resistance!

Labels: data slaughterhouse, unemployment

I am elated that the 2006 election is over. No more badly designed junk mail rife with drop-shadowed text. No more hobbits with disheveled hair telling me that Washington is controlled by special interests. No more corrupt, draft-dodging dairy farmers waxing philosophical while riding their trusted steed. Speaking of horses, it seemed that every Colorado politician was equine-heavy in their television spots this year. If not riding one, then petting one or ambling in an open meadow teeming with them. Complete the clique: throw skis and a twelve pack of Coors on the horse's back and put Red Rocks Amphitheater in the background; because Colorado horses care about Colorado values.

The election has given Democrats the majority rule in the House of Representatives, State governorships (including here in Colorado) and more than likely, the Senate. Not surprising since Republican-controlled Washington has done nothing but subvert democracy, manufacture scandal and generally cock things up since they took over in '02. I just read that Bush is now open to ideas or suggestions on Iraq from the Democrats. Here is one from an Independent voter that likes boobs: get our troops the hell out of there. It will be fun to watch the Democrats screw it up for a change. Anyone out there want to take bets on when Ann Coulter will write a book on the evil Democratic takeover?

Labels: colorado, politics

I think the time is nigh to get me some face tattoos (random thought inspired by this guy). I am not going the swastika/lightning bolt/neo-Nazi route as I am not an ignorant hillbilly and am just looking for that extra something to set me apart from other candidates in a job interview. A power tie does not have the same effect as permanent facial modification when applying for a prison bitch, peep show mop-up boy or circus freak position.

Labels: tattoos, tomfoolery

The employment search has officially become stagnant. I just sent resume number 75 since Broz's Day of Liberation (September 12) and I am now seeing jobs that I applied to in early September repost on the job sites I troll daily like a ravenous jackal. With the oncoming holiday season, it is a likely possibility that I will not have procured gainful employment until the Christian New Year. This reality is crushing as I have the Colorado Pass and may have to spend the winter work week on powder-filled ski slopes while avoiding the weekend warrior, latte-swilling transplant yuppie in an overpriced SUV jamming up the I-70 corridor and harboring the delusion that they can ski expert terrain and the term "yield to the downhill skier" does not apply to them. I do have a few freelance gigs in the hopper that should keep the lights on and the wife and I off of dog food for the time being. Unemployment has me contemplating many things; geographic relocation, getting my masters degree in eMAD, attempting to make a committed run at the freelance thing, writing the great American novel and designing a fetish site with Russian women in casts. Of course, somebody has already beaten me to the fetish site.

Labels: colorado, unemployment

We get an average of two trick-or-treaters when Halloween is upon our town home complex. Last night we got one; a youngster dressed as Death who got himself a handful of snack-sized Skittles. Halloween is much changed since I donned a costume. Parents did not drive their kids to go trick-or-treating. If you wanted the big candy payoff, you earned it by braving the elements (it is always fifteen degrees colder on All Hallows Eve in Colorado) and walking until your feet bled. You would come home sniffling and collapse from exhaustion, not caring when your Dad stole the Snickers from your sack in the middle of the night. Town home and apartment complexes were like money in the bank for trick-or-treating back then. An orgy of corn syrup, chocolate, caramel and preservatives awaited for a kid who was willing to rip off "Trick or treat" in rapid-fire succession. I thought that with the burned out unit, we would at least get some middle-schoolers around here playing Ouija and worshiping the devil. Nothing. The Wife clicked the front porch light off at 10:15pm and died a little on the inside.

"Doesn't anyone want candy anymore, Matty?"
"I guess not, honey."
"Hold me."
"Indeed."

Labels: colorado, halloween, l-i-v-i-n, wife