On Friday, Mel Gibson was touched for a DUI and spouted off at arresting officers with an anti-Semitic, obscenity-laden tirade that would have made Heinrich Himmler blush. Gibson concluded the outburst by calling one female officer "sugar tits." Well done, Mel. You just surpassed Ed Belfour for "Best Arrested Famous Person Intoxicated Shenanigans" (when Eddie was playing goal for the Dallas Stars police were called to a hotel room occupied by him and a women afraid of his drunkenness. He attempted to bribe the arresting officers with a billion dollars to let him walk). No report on whether or not Mel was sporting his excellent 'Saddam-In-Exile' beard at the time of arrest.

Labels: drinking, pop culture, tomfoolery

I apologize for my neglect of the MB lately as work has kept me busier than your mom after inhaling amyl nitrite at an anal sex convention. I have been catching up after three weeks of ruining my life and the subsequent celebration of ruining my life in a third world country. On with todays link goodness:

• Graphic representation in the form of nationalistic coffins of the mounting death toll in the Israel-Lebanon conflict (updated daily).
• An open letter to a mental case into mini-fridges.
• A Japanese game show that gives contestants a little "How's Your Father" for incorrect answers.

Labels: death, link goodness

This weekend the wife and I ensured a future of habitual nesting by purchasing some wicker furniture at Pier 1 and a new television and surround sound system. I spent countless hours throwing dressers around, cussing at speaker wire, buying components at Ultimate Electronics and admiring the 42-inch eating disorders of Miss Universe pageant contestants via the magic of high definition technology. Congratulations, Miss Puerto Rico; a year of binging on ice chips and laxatives brought home the crown.

Labels: l-i-v-i-n, technology, wife

• Future Garfield strips if Garfield aged at the normal feline rate.
• Bo Jackson runs wild in a game of Super Tecmo Bowl. My Dad would say that Bo did this in real life every time he played against the Denver Broncos and then he would call Bo a "bag of shit."
• Watch this video and then ask how far you would go for some free porn.

Labels: link goodness, perversion, sports

The wedding transpired with much happiness and celebration. It was a surreal whirlwind and I do not recall many specific moments from the night. I know the ceremony seemed intimate and joyful, I had a few dances with the wife, I chatted with many guests (although I am sure I missed talking with a lot of them), I saw an amazing sunset and I think I even had a beer or two. Overall, it was an awesome party and I think most everybody enjoyed it; even if they had to drink Tommyknocker all night (it was an open bar, cockbags, you should be happy you got anything at all).

We left for St. Lucia early the next morning. While the wedding was a surreal whirlwind, the honeymoon was the exact opposite of that. We relaxed and slept on the beach, hiked in the jungle, water-skied, snorkeled, drank rum and Piton beer, ate like fat Midwesterners at the Sizzler, won the resort archery tournament, shopped in Castries and generally forgot about our lives for the week. Some notes I jotted down over the course of the holiday:

• Coconut milk is a natural laxative not a fun liquid to go in every alcoholic drink.
• Archery yields crazy friends from Scotland and bottles of Bounty Rum.
  
• Dr. Feelgood bears striking resemblance to a shirtless, unkempt Bob Marley and likes to walk in traffic near the Castries Public Market.
• Saffron is not "super cheap" in St. Lucia; it is just turmeric.
• I could eat my body weight in fresh mangoes and bananas; and then some.
• Fire ants attack cute wives with an affinity for tropical flora and fauna.

To see all the magical photographic goodness from the honeymoon, click here. Thanks again to everyone who came to the event or sent us their well wishes and condolences. You people are the cream in our Twinkie.

Labels: honeymoon, l-i-v-i-n, st.lucia, wedding, wife