Yesterday the future wife and I opted out of running the Bolder Boulder for the fourth straight year and instead went for a six-mile hike around Red Rocks Amphitheatre in Morrison, Colorado. The day was beautiful and it was good to wallow in our funk* outside for a change. Before we hit the trail, we ate breakfast burritos at the neighborhood coffee shop. I am proud to announce they held us together like steel for the duration. Click here to see photos from the trek.

* The future wife and I tend to not shower on the weekends unless we have a good reason. By the waning hours of Sunday (or in the case of holiday weekends, Monday) our home will smell like the monkey cages at the Denver Zoo.

Labels: activity, colorado, l-i-v-i-n, wife

Summer is nearly upon us and that means I will be fielding middle of the day phone calls at work from the future wife and listening to her describe her naps by the pool in vivid detail. The future wife is a teacher and has her summers off. Damn her. Onward to Alice Cooper's School's Out link goodness:

• A special Special Education teacher.
• "Let's have a feel of that ass. Mmmmm. That's nice. Now go outside and fetch me some Happy Teacher Water."
• Bottled ketchup: public school's newest menace.

Labels: drinking, link goodness, perversion, summer, wife

The 1950s were a simple time. A time when a young man's fancy turned to squeezing off a few rounds on a Winchester 22. A time when a blatant disregard for wildlife and being atop of the food chain was celebrated. A time when women thanked you for killing the hawk that got into the chickens.

Labels: america, guns, nostalgia

• This is your brain on drugs.
• 24 beers a day for 8 years.
• According to a new theory, modern humans are descendants of inbred chimpanzees. This makes what I see on Cops make much more sense.

Labels: drinking, drugs, link goodness, science

The future wife and I spent the weekend knee deep in errands for the impending nuptials, so we decided to take it easy on Saturday night, throw back some Fat Tires and watch Peter Jackson's King Kong. At first I was smitten with the film, enjoying the mindless action, the undertones of bestiality and watching Naomi Watts scream and run about in her moist camisole. The movie than degenerated into a never ending orgy of agony as the final hour dragged on like an introductory statistics course and I found myself wishing Kong would plummet to his death from the Empire State Building like the stupid primate he was. Thanks for taking the mantle from Spike Lee on not knowing how to end a film, Peter Jackson. The future wife tried to keep steam from blowing out of my ears by cheering for Naomi's naked breasts to make an appearance for the sake of my sanity. Alas, it was not to be. I reminded her that epic blockbusters historically never show the naughty bits and that if I wanted to see Naomi's exposed fun bags I would watch 21 Grams. Unfortunately one has to endure a nude Sean Penn, a soul crushing plot and a depressing sex scene for the pay off, but I think it is worth it. At least it is not Monster's Ball. Or Requiem For A Dream.

Labels: engagement, movies, pop culture, wife

Arctic Circle jungle fever.

Labels: science

• Google Maps illustrates what happens to coastal areas when the ocean levels rise.
• A suit of plastic babies.
• Regarding this link; I think my Dad said it best after I burned my hand on the stove: "You have no one to blame but yourself."

Labels: link goodness, science, sports

• Hell Pizza is a chain of pizza joints in New Zealand. The specialty pizzas are named after the seven deadly sins and a coffin tears away from the box for your "remains."
• The Cookie Monster searches deep within himself and asks: Is me really monster?
• Ninjutsu Grand Master Masaaki Hatsumi: "Always be able to kill your students."

Labels: food, link goodness, ninjas, tomfoolery

There was much ado about May Day this year as millions paraded in the streets (including one Latina chick with a nice rack) and celebrated the strides of organized labor and the newly christened Day Without An Immigrant. The immigration issue is a complex one. Reform is needed. Greedy bastards that knowingly hire illegals for pennies on the dollar to cut costs should face the same consequences as those exploiting inadequate border patrols. Is kicking illegal immigrants out of the United States and sealing off the southern border the answer? No. Is opening the border and instituting a guest worker policy the answer? No. The solution lies somewhere between the two extremes. All I know for certain is this: A world without burritos is not one I care to live in.

Labels: burritos, politics