A superb article about Transgender prison bitches. Quoth one bitch:

I should not have to prostitute myself to remain safe.

I have luckily never been locked up before, but it seems to me that you are either predator or prey in the clink. So if you are a Transgender, kiddy-touching she-male, you best serve your ass up to the baddest motherfucker in that place if you harbor any notions of self-preservation.

Labels: perversion, prison

• Quote of the day: "She had such a great smile, back when she had teeth."
  
• Video of a break dancing hand.
  
• A sculpture dedicated to The Birth of Britney Spears's son, Sean Preston. The installation is said to be an idealized portrayal of Britney in delivery with a distended belly, lactating breasts and a posterior view that depicts widened hips and reveals the crowning of the child's head. According to the artist's interpretation, Britney gave birth on all fours (which is fitting, I suppose, because I am guessing that is how she conceived) stroking a bear (wolf?) head. Are bears (wolves?) symbolic of fertility and childbirth? If so, I am going to start rethinking some things.
  
• I am using a hockey analogy for this link. Every team has a collection of diverse players with specific skills; a select few are pure goal scorers and play makers, others are defensive specialists, muckers, grinders, etc. The point is a good hockey player knows their role and is happy to contribute. You are nothing more to the human team than talking boobs, Jessica Alba. The sooner you accept and embrace that, the better off we will all be.

Labels: boobs, drugs, link goodness, pop culture

Isaac Hayes apparently got jerked around by Scientology regarding the South Park incident. Scientology is difficult for me to comprehend on many levels because I have a firm grasp on reality and generally do not like my spiritual beliefs to read like a bad Fantastic Four comic*. From the Wiki entry on Scientology:

The story of Xenu, the galactic tyrant who first kidnapped certain individuals who were deemed "excess population" and loaded these individuals into space planes for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). These space planes were said to have been copies of Douglas DC-8s, except with rocket engines. He then stacked hundreds of billions of these frozen victims around Earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago before blowing them up with hydrogen bombs and brainwashing them with a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days, telling them lies of what they are and what the universe should be like and telling them that they are 3 different things: 'Jesus, God, and The Devil.' The traumatized thetans subsequently clustered around human bodies because they watched the motion picture together, making them think they are all the same thing, in effect acting as invisible spiritual parasites known as "body thetans" that can only be removed using advanced Scientology techniques. Xenu is allegedly imprisoned in a mountain by a force field powered by an eternal battery. He is said to be still alive today.

I do not think I ever dated a girl crazier than that blurb and that is saying a lot.

* In college I was given the assignment to compare God with a fictional character that I believed most closely represented my view of a higher power. Most students compared the almighty to Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny whereas I chose the Fantastic Four character Galactus. I concluded the paper by stating Galactus was the best example of a deity because he ate planets to sustain his existence having no regard for the existence of the planet's inhabitants and claimed he was above insignificant creatures morals and religions. If memory serves me correctly, I recall getting a B.

Labels: comics, pop culture, religion

Adult film star Savanna Samson has some critically acclaimed hooch. Her wine making business is the result of wanting to do something that her parents could be proud of because filmed double penetration and homo-erotic baby oil massages was not enough.

Labels: sex, wine

The future wife and I got the hell out of town for an alpine sports adventure weekend in Summit County (click here for some hot Flickr action). After a six mile snowshoe hike on Friday, we celebrated St. Patrick's Day like an old-married couple; drinking two Kiltlifters and inhaling bacon-wrapped filet mignon at Pug Ryans then falling asleep before ten thirty watching reruns of Murder She Wrote. On Saturday we skied Breckenridge expecting spring break and weekend crowds only to be surprised by a dead resort due to local weather professionals prematurely calling for an immense spring storm. It is back to work in a few hours unless the city shuts down due to a blizzard (it could happen again, you know).

Labels: activity, bacon, colorado, snow, sports, wife

Holzmann: Should we call it a navigation bar or a menu bar?
Me: In the next version release of the product it wont be there, so you can call it whatever you want.
Holzmann: Perfect. I will just call it the "Lick On Matt's Cock Bar" then.
Me: I trust you are referring to my cock because nobody wants to lick yours. Except maybe your Mom.
Holzmann: That was cold.
Me: That is how I roll.

Labels: holzmann, im convos

• This is what happens when atypical fat Goth chicks have no talent for writing poetry in a cemetery.
• A burglar avoids a prison term until he can regain control of his manhood. (The condition known as Priapism (or "the perpetual erection") was named for the Greek god Priapus, who was the protector of livestock, fruit plants, gardens and male genitalia and subsequently hung like a moose).
• Well done, ladies; but no matter how high you jump and how far you can pull and spread those young, taut bodies, my bracket tells me that you are getting smoked like a Parliament in the second round by Wichita State.

Labels: link goodness, perversion, sports

Today in History:

On March 10, 1974, Second Lieutenant Hiroo Onoda of the Imperial Japanese Army emerges from the jungle and surrenders to Philippine authorities. He thought World War II was still underway and waged a 29 year guerrilla battle killing thirty people and engaging in several shootouts with the police.

For some odd reason, I can relate to this.

Labels: tomfoolery, war

• I do not have a problem with women who breast feed their children in public; unless they are offering the tit to an eight year old.
• At long last, the trailer trash prophecy has been fulfilled.
• Quote of the day: "I probably do need some help, but I do not know if this is the time or place for it."

Labels: link goodness, perversion, pop culture

John Buccigross on why March is the greatest time of the year for hockey. I enjoy the tale of his six year old son getting his first goal and a humorous anecdote regarding one of my favorite hockey personality's Shjon Podein. Excerpt:

So, I'm in my rookie year in Edmonton and it's my birthday. We had just come home from one of our infamous 15 to 20 day road trips and my family is there to celebrate. So, the family and I go out to have dinner and drinks. We're just relaxing when one of my brothers gives me a four foot high inflatable Tyrannosaurus rex for a birthday present. My other brother gives me a sombrero. We get back to the hotel and get Mom back in her room. As we're leaving Mom's room, my brothers jump me and rip my suit off in the hotel hallway, leaving me with just my boxers, a sombrero and my four foot high inflatable Tyrannosaurus Rex. So I'm wandering the hallways of the hotel trying to find my room. We'd been on the road for 15 to 20 days, it's late, and I can't remember my room number. I stick my room key in a number of doors, hoping to find the right one. All of a sudden, I look up and there is one of Canada's finest security guards.

I go, "Hey, what's going on!"

The security guard says, "We've had a complaint that some guy is walking down the hall in his boxers, wearing a sombrero, with a bottle of Bud in one hand and an inflatable dinosaur in the other making too much noise."

I looked at him and said, "You've got the wrong guy, brutha."

Labels: hockey, sports

Presidential diseases and ailments. It appears Jimmy Carter had the least health problems out of the bunch, whereas William Howard Taft was a walking time bomb.

Labels: disease, politics

Joe Rogan dominates My Space. Rules of engagement in email combat: Smiley face shorthand is the antithesis of badass.

Labels: pop culture, tomfoolery

• When hitting skins in the garage be sure to turn the car off.
• A criminal considered too psychotic for execution. Are you kidding me? Jackballs goes on a rampage, kills a baker's dozen and we are respecting his inability to rationally comprehend the death sentence? Throw a peach cobbler in the gas chamber, tell him it is a magic room that is protected by Jesus, slam the door and have him rationally comprehend his lungs ingesting noxious fumes until they fail.
• Jessica Alba should be getting sued for harboring the delusion that she has anything more to offer this world than her funbags.
  
• I do not know if I can wait a decade for this.

Labels: crime, link goodness, sex