The future wife and I spent the past few days in the bustling metropolis of Boise, Idaho. We visited with grandparents, caught some early bird specials (unfortunately Perkins was one of the early bird specials), attended an Idaho Steelheads game and walked around Hyde Park, Boise State and the downtown area. You can view all of the hot Flickr action here. All you need to know about big happenings in Boise is that they usually revolve around the P.F. Changs.

Labels: idaho, travels, wife

Me: I bought some new skis last night.
Monica: Oh, nice.
Me: Notice the urban graphics that will illustrate how much of a non-conformist I am while skiing. Because that is important.
Monica: Keeping it street on the slopes?
Me: Right. Represent.
Monica: Represent Arvada?
Me: "I am riding for the water tower today, bitches."
Monica: "This is for all the homeys that are working at the gas stations, getting their weed delivered to them that cannot enjoy the mountain today."
Me: "This bump run is for my boys that drink too much beer, still live at home with their parents and work at Randy's Pizza; sorry you did not make it, playas."

Labels: colorado, im convos, mons, sports

After my discussion with Jake and much deliberation, I decided this would be the mix tape I would create for the Son of God:

1. Jesus Built My Hotrod - Ministry
2. So Fresh, So Clean - Outkast
3. Down On My Knees - The Crucifucks
4. The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash
5. Kill The Poor - Dead Kennedys
6. Holy Diver - Dio
7. When I Get To Heaven - Ice Cube
8. Killing in the Name Of - Rage Against the Machine
9. Sister Christian - Night Ranger
10. Sympathy For The Devil - Rolling Stones
11. If You Love Someone Set Them On Fire - Dead Milkmen
12. Epiphany - Bad Religion
13. Something To Believe In - Poison

I know Jesus was a subversive hippy and would probably enjoy some Grateful Dead, Phish, Widespread Panic and Cat Stevens, but that is not the point. The purpose of the mix tape is not just to throw on a bunch of music that the recipient likes and is familiar with. Making a mix tape for someone is the ultimate truth; it strips down all the walls society builds up around human relationships and then rebuilds them through the majesty of song. That, and if you give a mix tape to girl hopefully it will get you laid.

Labels: jake, music, pop culture, religion, tomfoolery

Keep it up, Chuang Chuang the Panda. For your species is on the brink of extinction.

Labels: perversion, science

The Avs are playing with verve and poetry and there can be only one explanation; the magic Christmas sweatshirt. Since the future wife gave it to me for Jesus's birthday, the Avs have gone 8-2 and are now in first place in the Northwest division.

You also may have heard about the other Denver professional sports franchise. If they beat the Steelers this Sunday, they head to Detroit for their seventh Super Bowl bid in franchise history. Take care of business, DBroncs. Daddy wants to see another Lombardi trophy in case at Invesco Field At Mile High.

An Open Letter to the NFL: Who's idea was it to have Detroit host the Super Bowl? Whoever it was, you should fire them. Was Miami or San Diego closed that weekend? If I am going to risk getting shot outside a stadium during the big game, I expect to feel a warm ocean breeze on my face as I hold my intestines in my hands and writhe in agony while waiting for an ambulance to arrive. Also, as you are probably aware, the Roman Empire collapsed almost two thousand years ago. We use these things called numbers now. Look into it.

Labels: hockey, sports, wife

Being as its Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and I am white, it seems only fitting and respectful to Dr. King to bash white celebrities that I despise. I am sure Dr. King would agree that all that brotherhood and hand-holding business would be out the window if these jag offs were standing next to him:

Scott Stapp. Can someone please grab this guy with their arms wide open and squeeze him until his eyeballs pop out of their sockets? If not, we will have to keep getting updates like this. I checked out his bitch's website and noticed that she bears an uncanny resemblance to the brunette Carolina Panther cheerleader that got arrested for trading fur and slap boxing in a public restroom.

Peyton Manning. The most entertaining part of the NFL playoffs for me is watching Peyton Manning fail. Take a seat next to Dan Marino, Peyton. You have a long career of post-season disappointments and bad commercials ahead of you.

Tara Reid. Please bury your face in a mountain of cocaine and breathe deep ala Tony Montana, Tara. How Taradise has not been canceled yet reinforces why the plug needs to be pulled on the E! Network.

Labels: pop culture, sports, tomfoolery

Calculus taught by dirty skanks in bikinis; installments one and two.

Labels: tomfoolery

• Irony, party of one.
• Someone with property in the Colorado high country please help these girls out. They are looking for a place to crash over spring break holiday and appear to be responsible enough.
• This was sent to me today. Take a guess which heading(s) apply to me.

Labels: colorado, link goodness, politics

• Stress balls keep you out of trouble. Condoms stuffed with flour do not.
• A little league soccer team and partner-swapping swingers share a hotel. Hijinks ensue.
• This brand of intimidation only works if you can take a punch.

Labels: link goodness, sports, tomfoolery

Jake just strolled into my office with a belated Christmas gift; The Modern Drunkard, which gives me a reason to drink every day. Thanks for enabling me, Jake. I admire your immense liquor cabinet.

Labels: drinking, jake, tomfoolery