• "The Taser is relatively accurate, but when someone is moving like that, it does not matter if you have a Taser or a pistol."
• Doll houses plus glued vacuum cleaner lint equals art.
• The Black Cocks (that is the New Zealand National Badminton Team to you) is considering changing their name to something less strong. Pussies.

Labels: art, link goodness, sports, tomfoolery

Tomorrow the wife and I will minimize the Thanksgiving fattening by running in the 32nd annual Turkey Trot. Running four miles in the morning is our way of justifying the stuffing of basted wild bird and assorted pumpkin deserts down our collective pie holes.

Fuck you, holiday weight gain.

Labels: health, thanksgiving, wife

My three year-old nephew possesses toys similar to these. He does not own the Fantastic 4 Electronic Thing Hands instead he has the Incredible Hulk Electronic Hands. He does not own the Revenge of the Sith Energy Beam Blaster but he does have the Revenge of the Sith Lightsabers. I am proud that my brother-in-law is raising his son in the danger zone. It is going to be a great Christmas for the boy; he will be receiving some Air Kicks Kickaroos Anti-Gravity Boots and the Camouflage Water Bomb Fun Kit from Uncle Matty. I may include a bag of glass, some oily rags and a pack of matches just for good measure.

Labels: bro-in-law, tomfoolery, xmas

• A woman is still planning to marry the man who shot her in the crotch and held her hostage in his family's garage for six days. That is what I call the definition of stupidity, er, unconditional love.
• One mayoral candidate on how to motivate homeless people to do constructive work in the city: crack cocaine.
• Taking my personal demons out to lunch at the Olive Garden.

Labels: drugs, link goodness, tomfoolery

• Thailand is portraying imagery of bad teeth, tumors and death instead of verbal cues as warnings on cigarette packs.
• "Cool Mom" Silvia Johnson (reacquaint yourself with the saga here and here) is moving to scenic Canon City, Colorado for the next 30 years. With that haircut I think she'll fit right in.
• I did not know it was so easy to get Mormons to jump from moving cars. Any Latter Day Saints out there need a ride? (In all honesty, we probably would not make it to backing out of the driveway).

Labels: bad parents, colorado, death, link goodness, mormons, perversion, silvia johnson

I should be posting something socially redeeming like US forces dropping chemical weapons on Iraqis during the assault on Fallujah. I could point out the cruel irony of the US using the very weapons they claimed to be eradicating Iraq from. Instead, I am obsessed with ex-NFL cheerleader lesbians that have a penchant for sexual deviancy and assault in a public restroom. Penthouse is attempting to woo the aforementioned scissor sisters into a photo spread. Godspeed, Penthouse. Godspeed.

Labels: carolina panther cheerleaders, lesbians, war

The police report and purged screen shots from the Carolina Panthers website of the sparring, fur-trading former NFL cheerleaders I posted yesterday. Neither girl mentions "munching box" as one of their hobbies.

Labels: carolina panther cheerleaders, lesbians

• Two Carolina Panther cheerleaders (in town for the game versus the Buccaneers) smack pelts inside a bathroom stall at a bar called Banana Joe's. Hijinks ensue.
• A high school teacher is the second Florida woman in two days accused of having a lesbian relationship with a student.

Labels: carolina panther cheerleaders, lesbians, link goodness

Links related to super glue and litigation that have been sent to me by six different people today:

• A woman who super glued her ex-lover's penis to his abdomen, his testicles to his leg, his ass cheeks together, put nail varnish in his hair and wrote profanities on his back while he slept is being sued for $30,000. Jesus. Whatever happened to blowing a guy's best friend to get even?
• A customer glued to a toilet seat in a Halloween prank is suing Home Depot. "This is not Home Depot's fault," the gluee said. "But I am blaming them for letting me hang in there and just ignoring me." I probably would have left his crying ass to rot on the commode, too. I am not busting down any public bathroom stall door to make sure some weepy dude is doing alright.

Labels: rage, tomfoolery

• A chart of reported suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge.
• Fucking dirty hippies.
• The trebuchet was a siege weapon that was primarily used to fire plague-ridden corpses and other missiles over castle walls. It was not intended for college students looking for kicks on a Friday night.

Labels: death, link goodness, suicide, tomfoolery