An excerpt:

Using makeshift or poorly made crack pipes can cause oral cuts or burns. If shared, these pipes can also help spread blood borne diseases, particularly if the group includes drug users who also sell sex. The transmission of both hepatitis and HIV is of concern in this situation where pipe passing from mouth to mouth could cause direct contact with bleeding lips and cracked gums.

Instead of enabling crack addicts with safer crack pipes, maybe we just need to get them some Chapstick instead.

Labels: drugs, pop culture

• An angry, sexually frustrated chimpanzee in a Chinese zoo has taken to smoking cigarettes and spitting on people.
• A very intoxicated man and his friend drive home from the bar. The very intoxicated man smashes into a telephone pole and decapitates his friend. The very intoxicated man drives home twelve miles with a headless corpse in the passenger seat, parks the truck in the driveway and passes out in blood soaked clothing. (Disturbing aside: Four people sent me this link today).
• Crazy tirades from the imprisoned Bobby Fischer the former American former world chess champion.

Labels: crazy, death, drinking, link goodness, monkeys, pop culture

I am currently obsessed with Women's Olympic Beach Volleyball. This explains my mania where words fail.

Labels: chicks, sports

My weekend was filled with disturbing programming flashing across the television. On Friday night Monica brought over her fella and some Chinese food over and we all watched Monster. I thought Charlize Theron engaging in lesbianism would soften the disturbing nature of the film (even if said lesbianism was with Christina Ricci who is hot if you are into elf sluts with big foreheads) but I was dead wrong. I have three words for you: tire iron sodomy. (I was guilty of this hot-chick-doing-an-uncharacteristic-sex-act fallacy during Requiem For A Dream, too. I heard Jennifer Connelly took a double ended dildo up the chute and that sounded like something I would enjoy watching. First, I had to endure a smack addict's arm amputation (his limb became black and gangrenous due to his love of the vein candy) and an old woman being committed to a mental health facility for her eating disorder and addiction to diet pills. When the scene finally arrived, it was more disturbing than hot).

Saturday morning I made myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and turned on the Olympics in the hopes of catching some Women's Beach Volleyball (Holly McPeak. Yummy). Instead I get the a broadcast of the Gymnastics Trampoline. The competition goes as such: an athlete (use the term athlete loosely) does tricks on a trampoline for an Olympic medal. We need an international competition forum for this? There was a kid named Jimmy in my neighborhood who would have dominated this event in the early eighties. That fucking kid was a wild man on the trampoline. His signature move was jumping off the roof and going into a double flip. I was waiting for a tandem Gymnastics Trampoline event when two competitors had a seat war or played a game of crack the egg. You know this event is not taken seriously when commentators had this exchange:

Announcer #1: Oh! That miscue on the back flip there is going to cost him.
Announcer #2: Yes. What kind of experience do you have with this event?
Announcer #1: Well, I have been jumping on trampolines since I was eight years old.

Labels: a-town, childhood, lesbians, mons, movies, pop culture, sports, weekend that was, wife

A term for female genitalia that was overused last night while drinking Coors products and playing College Football 2005 on the PS2 with the SG crew: meat curtains.

Related: Bitch looks like she is smuggling a roast beef sandwich in that leotard.

Labels: camel toe, sg crew, vajayjay

A link to a great email exchange that began with Team USA getting beat like they stole something in Olympic basketball by Puerto Rico (it is worth the read, trust me). For the record: I feel that we as a society should root for the Predator in the Alien vs. Predator conflict not because it seems more human-like but because the Predator is what we as a society should hope to one day become. The Predator, like an onion or a Photoshop document, has many layers; it is a skilled hunter, an assassin, intelligent and is a perfect example of the philosophical superman Nietzsche wrote about. The Predator is not a mindless drone but a free thinking individual that learns from its mistakes and is wise enough to outwit its enemy (like not walking into Dutch's crude jungle trap, for example). The Alien seems singular in its focus to destroy whatever creature/culture crosses its path and less concerned with educating itself on its environments, its enemies and most importantly, itself. The Alien mirrors contemporary society; mindless, submissive and narrow minded, whereas the Predator symbolizes enlightenment. Also consider that a woman with a bad perm adorned in cotton panties killed the Alien and the Predator wiped out an entire platoon of Special Forces soldiers skilled in the arts of guerrilla warfare before a strategically placed tree stump took it down.

Labels: movies, pop culture, sports

Every morning I walk into my office building and I run into the whale that works on the first floor and is pushing two and a half bills. She has a handicap parking pass hanging from her rear view mirror and waddles out to her car periodically during the day for a smoke (sitting in her car and smoking, mind you, not actually standing up and smoking). In these situations I get angry for the handicapped community. She does not look nor act legitimately handicapped, she just has a difficult time slinging her immense weight around. Handicap parking is reserved (rightly) for paraplegics and little old ladies with plastic hips who have a hard time getting around. I want to push that blubber factory down every time I see her. I am certain she would argue that her condition is due to an overactive thyroid or predisposition to obesity. I am certain there is medication to treat a thyroid condition, and if one does not have money to purchase said medication than one should quit wasting five bucks a day on a pack of cigarettes and save their pennies. If you are born into an obese family that does not mean you have an excuse to be fat, it just means that you inherited a low metabolism and need to be cautious with what you eat and get regular exercise. Being obese is not cool unless you are the Blob. I am sure this guy would agree with me.

Labels: data slaughterhouse, rage

Thailand is wondorous place where one can buy a brick of hash for cheap, engage in group sex with fifteen underage prostitutes and watch orangutans kick box each other to the death.

Labels: drugs, monkeys, perversion

Maybe I am am antiquated in my child rearing methods, but I think showing children hardcore pornography will not adequately demonstrate what could happen to them by talking to strangers.

Labels: porn, stupidity

Captain Kirk is rock and roll. I can only hope that somebody in the music industry comes to their senses and mixes a Kerry King guitar track with the "Khan!" screaming tirade from Star Trek II.

Labels: music, pop culture