My hockey team, the
Slashing Hyenas, skated to a 3-2 victory on Sunday and first ever playoff win. I had a goal and assist in the effort. We now advance to the semifinals, and are just a breath away from the championship.
The NHL Playoffs will begin in just a few short hours. My beloved
Colorado Avalanche will be playing the
LA Kings in round one. The Kings and their fans are worthless sacks of shit that should be dipped in hot oil and crucified upside down. If you are a hockey fan, you know that King fans boo former hometown defensive specialist
Rob Blake every time he touches the puck. Last year King fans threatened his wife and children sitting in the stands during the Avs-Kings series. No doubt these slimy fucks will behave in the same manner through out this clash. Did Rob Blake leave LA on bad terms you ask? No. Rob Blake's only crime was being traded to the Avalanche. Fucking California. I hope you fall off into the ocean so you can quit stealing our water.
Do me a favor and e-mail my young friend
Mark and tell him to stop listening to
Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice is not good enough to suck the sweat off of a donkey's balls. Even with a
Jimmy Pop Ali (Bloodhound Gang) cameo, his new album is still miserable. Aside from Vanilla making a mockery of music in general, he got his ass kicked by Todd "Willis" Bridges on national television. Mark you are better than this. I do not care how you got the album, whether you purchased it, stole it or ripped it off some mp3 pirate website; get rid of it right now. Remember, I am only doing this because I love you.
Labels: /mark, colorado, hockey, sports
An insane amount of freelance work is keeping me quite busy as of late. So busy in fact, that I went into debt to buy a new computer. A
Power Mac G4. Go ahead. I will wait while you clean your shorts. I love it and the freshly connected broadband Internet access (you should see how amazing
porn looks on this monitor). I am anticipating a good return on the investment. Does anybody want me to design a website for them?
Nels and Kerry's wedding went off without a hitch. Many spirits were imbibed, there was more dancing than an MC Hammer video and good times were had by all. I performed my best man duties with dignity and ease and avoided a candelabra incident during the ceremony thanks to my cat like reflexes. The minister unknowingly bumped a candelabra that would have sent the quaint chapel up in flames if it had not been caught. I did this without anyone in the congregation noticing a damn thing, moving swift and silently like a ninja on a rooftop.
My hockey league's regular season ended last Sunday. I was second in points on the team with 8 goals, 12 assists and 9 penalty minutes. We ended up in fifth place and are battling the fourth seeded Fighting Trout this Sunday. The
Slashing Hyenas are in prime position to take it all the way to the house. My dreams of hoisting the Bladium Cup over my head and drinking in the sweet nectars of victory as I skate around the former airplane hangar in my jock strap to a cheering crowd of seven people will hopefully come to fruition.
Labels: hockey, nels, technology, wedding
