My 29th year on earth began with a five-pound weight gain and the arrests of Carol Seaver, John Conner and Kevin McCallister. Saturday night, my lady's parents treated me to a steak dinner during which I consumed a slab of beef bigger than my head. Last night my mom had me over for ravioli and a peanut butter ice cream cake that was richer than an oil sheikh.

Labels: birthday, family, gluttony, wife